


Danger Zone

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel 616, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: 80s AU, About Time, Charlie Mary Jane, Homophobic Language, Iceman Deadpool, In the true spirit of top gun they all end up queer, Maverick Spiderman, Multi, Top Gun AU, its a stand alone thing its just the same concept, late 86 early 87 to be specific but who cares tbh, no powers au, you dont have to have seen top gun to get this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:11:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7293415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today was no exception, today was the day he was about to get that little bit more impressive,</p><p>or a Top Gun AU, hyper masculinity and intense homoerotic behaviour abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revvin Up Your Engine

**Author's Note:**

> I done did it, I shouldn't have but i did. A lot of the technical talk came straight from the film Top Gun I am sorry I know nothing about military grade planes and the training required, please forgive me.

Peter had never regretted joining the navy, his Aunt certainly regretted it for him, but Peter never did. He joined up at the ripe young age of eighteen, he was young, smart and impressionable. He managed to climb his way up the ranks and made it to naval flight officer with a distinguished army record and an impeccable reputation, no small feat for a twenty six year old.

Today was no exception, today was the day he was about to get that little bit more impressive, his XO had called him in for a “chat”. Which only could mean one of two things, either he was in trouble or he was going to get the opportunity of a lifetime. And Peter Parker, call sign “Spiderman”, was never likely to be in trouble.

He was waiting outside his XO’s office when the door creaked open, he walked in to see his cigar smoking, eternally grumpy XO John Jonah Jameson Jr, call sign “Bugle”. He was standing with his arms crossed and a cigar in his mouth. Peter stood at attention.

“Spiderman, I want you to listen because I won’t be saying this ever again,” He started, Peter tried not to let the sudden dread in his stomach show. “You’re a damn good pilot, the best this joint has seen in years. But you’re a lone wolf, you don’t play nice with others. You have had three co-pilots this month alone. Why is that?”

“I am committed to serving my country and being the best fighter pilot in the navy, Sir!” Peter looked straight ahead, not even slightly daring to look Bugle in the eyes.

“The best fighter pilot in the navy doesn’t have three forcibly retired co-pilots!” Bugle continued.

“With respect, they all lived, Sir!” Peter interrupted him. If looks could kill Peter would be dead at the bottom of the ocean right now.

“Don’t fuck around with me, Spiderman. It doesn’t matter that they lived, what matters is you have no regard for their safety. The safety of your ego is not more important than your co-pilot. You’re on the same team, act like it. Now if it was up to me I’d have you stationed here until my officers felt like they might live if they worked with you, but it’s not up to me. I’ve got my hands tied, I’m forced to give you your dream job. You’re shipping out to Topgun tomorrow morning, you’ll be working with the best of them. But if you don’t get your head out of your ass you’ll be back here cleaning toilets before you can say ‘Yes, Sir!’ Do I make myself clear?” Bugle barked at him.

“Yes, Sir!” Peter replied while trying to repress the smile that was bursting onto his face.

“Now get that disgusting grin off your face and get the hell out of my office.” Bugle muttered. Peter calmly walked out of his office until he closed the door behind him and did a fist pump which may be the daggiest thing he’s ever done. He ran down the hallway till he found Flash Thompson, his current co-pilot, playing pool in the rec room.

“Flash! You won’t believe it, I’m being shipped off to Topgun!” Peter grabbed Flash by the shoulder, Flash shook his hand off.

“Run out of victims here, huh Parker?” Flash replied callously. In hindsight, telling Flash just so Peter could get the information out of his system was a bad idea. “They must have too many recruits down at Topgun if they’re sending you there.” Flash remarked before turning back to his game, as he lined up the perfect shot, Peter interrupted him causing him to miss entirely.

“They’re sending me there because I’m a fucking great pilot, the best in this shithole, and if you can’t handle that, Thompson, then fuck off.” Peter said over the top of the snickering of Flash’s pool mates, in what he thought was a cool response, it really wasn’t. Flash straightened up with a guttural sigh.

“Parker, I will fucking hang you by that faggot thong you call underwear on the flagpole just like you’ve hung out everyone you’ve ever fucking worked with if you don’t leave my sightline in the next ten seconds.” Flash warned, Peter took the warning and scurried back to his own bunk.

He honestly thought he’d miss this place, he clearly thought wrong.

* * *

Peter didn’t expect what he got at his first day at Topgun, he knew it was called an academy but he was expecting something cooler than a stuffy classroom with a VCR player and a teacher that could rival Ferris Buller’s in sheer banality. He was expecting to be flying a plane by now. Nevertheless, Peter wasn’t complaining, it was his high grades in school that got him here, he wasn’t about to fail Aunt May now. Peter was taking notes and was surprised to find he was the only one doing so, if there was a test they were all going to be sorry.

“Here in Korea, the kill ratio was twelve to one, shot down twelve other jets for every one of ours.” His instructor continued to drone one, Peter could actually feel all of his life signs slowly fading.

While he wrote this down, he got the odd feeling that someone was staring at him. He looked up and subtly scanned the room for the offending glare. It was coming from a muscular man sitting diagonally across from him, although the muscles were not the first thing Peter noticed. The unusual scarring all over this man’s face were what made him stand out like a porcupine at a nudist’s colony. It was rough and raw and it looked eerily similar to the Incredible Melting Man. This was absolutely not what Peter expected to see looking at him and he immediately turned back to his notes.

“Here in Vietnam, that ratio fell to three to one, our pilots become dependent upon missiles. We've lost some of the dog fighting skills.” The instructor continued, Peter wasn’t listening, he was busy contemplating what kind of horror was sitting behind him. He took a deep breath, composed himself and turned back around.

One second glance, he may have over exaggerated. The man looked more like Jeff Goldblum once he just started transitioning into the fly, which admittedly was still a little terrifying. This time the man noticed Peter was looking and grinned at him, it was very much a self-assured “caught you looking” grin. Peter met his gaze and looked him up and down, he then turned back to his instructor, he tried to look as unimpressed with the man as possible. He heard the guy sitting next to his Jeff Goldblum man snicker.

“Some service men switch to ACM, Air Combat Manoeuvres, dog fighting. Here on out, our ratio is back up to twelve to one. Blinds please.” His instructor said as he turned off the VCR. “Gentlemen, I’d like to hand you over to our commanding officer here at Topgun. He was one of the first to win the highly coveted Topgun trophy, one of the best men in this navy. Introducing Commander Steve Rodgers, call sign ‘Captain America’.” The instructor gestured to the back of the class where Captain America was standing.

“Men, you are the best that this navy has to offer, the top tier of this institution. Well, it looks to me that this institution isn’t as great as I thought it was. Don’t worry, we’ll soon change that.” Captain America started as he walked through the class to the lectern facing the class.   

The second Peter looked at him, he decided he had to impress this man at all costs. Captain America looked like a man you didn’t want to disappoint, and Peter never wanted to find out why he seemed that way.

“You will fly at least two combat missions a day, two classes in between, with evaluations of your performance. You will be challenged through this academy, this is not an easy ride, gentlemen. Each mission will be harder than the last, you will be pushed to the very edge of what it means to be a flight officer in this navy. You will all need to be aware that this will be dangerous, we are acting under war conditions. Every flight at this academy could be your last, we don’t fuck around here and neither will you.” He glanced around the room to make sure his point had hammered in.

“I wonder if he means that in every sense of the word.” The man sitting next to Peter muttered under his breath. Peter couldn’t help but chuckle at that. The man sitting next to him somehow managed to smuggle a cup of coffee in here which left Peter in awe and feeling a tiny bit jealous.

“You!” Captain America interrupted their little moment and glared at Peter. “You think it got what it takes to have your name on that trophy?” He pointed at the plaque that was at the back of the room.

It clearly was supposed to ruffle Peter’s feathers for not paying attention, but instead he looked up coolly and calmly at him.

“Yes, Sir.” Peter replied as though he had time travelled to the future and saw that he had indeed won the trophy. It was not the answer that Captain America was expecting.

“You said that with undeserved certainty, considering the company you’re in.” Captain America remarked, it was hard to tell if Peter had just gotten himself into trouble here.    

“Yes, Sir.” Peter replied with just as much confidence as before, confirming that certainty.

“Good, it’s that kind of ambition that gets you places in this academy.” Captain America almost smiled at him, it was a typical commanding officer smile, it wasn’t even a smile it was just a general faint aura of approval. “This is a combat school, gentlemen. There are no prizes for second place. Dismissed.”

As soon as he said that everyone stood up and started to make their way out of this stuffy sweaty room. Everyone except for the man sitting next to Peter, who held out his hand for Peter to shake. It was covered in medical tape, Peter took it gently, scared he might break his hand or something if he shook it too hard.

“Hawkeye.”

“Spiderman.”

“Oh you poor kid,” Hawkeye muttered into his coffee. Peter had never been judged on his call sign before, this was new. Hawkeye stood up and walked toward the door, Peter followed him. The man with the scarring was standing next to the plaque, he squinted for a moment before turning to the rest of the class.

“Now see they went wrong here, that’s Deadpool with two o’s, make sure to get that right next time boys.” Deadpool playfully smacked Peter on the shoulder as he walked past. Peter turned to face him.

“I think they spelled it right on the alternates’ board in the basement.” Peter snapped back. Deadpool started to laugh, it was hard to tell whether it was genuine or not. Hawkeye took Peter by the shoulder and started to walk him away.

“You’re killing me, Baby Boy,” Deadpool cried out after him through the laughter.

“I need a drink,” Hawkeye muttered to Peter.

“I hear that.” Peter replied. With that sole exchange, a new friendship had just started.

* * *

The Officer’s Club at Miramar was a hell of a lot nicer than the Officer’s Club at Peter’s old barracks. For a start they had a fully serviced bar with more than one drink there. If he never has to drink a Miller Lite again he’ll be the happiest man alive. Secondly, civilians were allowed at this club, which meant women, at least women Peter was allowed to mingle with without getting court marshalled. He was fairly sure he wouldn’t get court marshalled if he tried it with the women at his old base, however the muscles on those women suggested if he tried it he wouldn’t live to tell it.

As he followed Hawkeye into the bar, he heard music, from this decade even! Another step up, Johnny Be Good was only listenable the first fifty times. As Sledgehammer blasted through the club, Hawkeye approached the bar.

“Beer and a lot of it.” Hawkeye said to the bartender, who placed two Budweiser’s in front of them. “So Spiderman, I’ve heard a bit about you. It’s not great things.” Hawkeye said simply, it was honest but there was no malice behind it.

“I’m not gay,” Peter said upfront, that’s usually the first thing he gets asked about. A pretty boy like him in the navy? People ask questions. It didn’t matter if he was or not, he would deny it completely. He’s seen how queers get treated in the military, it’s not something he wants to subject himself to. Hawkeye looked completely blindsided by that response.

“Ok, I wouldn’t care if you were, but that’s not what I meant. I meant you’re a wildcard to fly with.” Hawkeye shook his head as he took a sip of his beer.

“Oh,” Peter responded flatly. “I get the job done.” He shrugged.

“Right, so you got the job done so efficiently you came here with no co-pilot.”

“It’s not compulsory.” Peter said defensively into his beer bottle.

“But it’s highly recommended.” Hawkeye pointed out.

“Where’s yours then?” Peter asked.

“She quit, had a breakdown, haven’t seen her since we landed our last mission. One hell of a pilot, way better than me. But they sent me off instead in some sort of consolation prize.” Hawkeye said bitterly.

“Sorry I brought it up.” Peter said genuinely. Hawkeye shrugged and took another sip, Peter assumed that was he was forgiven. “Look I’m fine usually, it’s just… you know, you get so wrapped up in that whole civilian lives are at stake if this goes wrong and we don’t take the bad guy down. And I think who’s more equipped to handle this if shit hits the fan, me and my co-pilot or civilians? So occasionally I make risky moves, so what? We all usually come out fine with the best outcome available because I’m a damn good pilot and I get us through it. This whole reputation is a bullshit.” 

“I hear ya, man.” Hawkeye hummed in agreement.

“What are you two old ladies gasbagging about this time?” Deadpool approached them with his same cocky smile from this afternoon. The guy who sat next to him was also with him, he was a lot smaller than Peter expected.

“Deadpool, I should have known you were here, I recognized your foul stench as soon as I came on board.” Hawkeye muttered. Deadpool laughed at that.

“Charming to the last, Hawkeye.” He shook his head with a grin before turning more sombre. “Sorry to hear about Mockingbird, she was a good pilot.”

“Is.” Hawkeye corrected him.

“That’s what I said.” Deadpool dismissed him. “Who do we have here?” Deadpool turned his attention to Peter. Peter wasn’t a fan of this sudden attention Deadpool’s glare suggested he was going to devour Peter and Peter wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be threatened or aroused. Both were intimidating if he was being honest.

“Wade Wilson this is…” Hawkeye trailed off as he realised he only knew Peter’s call sign.

“Peter Parker. I’d like the few inches in front of my face back.” Peter filled in for him, he was not about to be intimidated by this guy. Deadpool didn’t move.

“Oh you! You’re famous around these parts.” The man next to Deadpool exclaimed.

“Notorious more like, eh Bob? Four wingmen in a month.” Deadpool replied to him while still glaring at Peter.

“They all lived.” Peter said nonchalantly.

“Barely.” Bob muttered.

“An attitude like that and you think you’re the best, good luck with that, Baby Boy.” Deadpool said as he took Peter’s beer from the counter and left with Bob. Peter watched him leave, slightly overwhelmed with what just happened.

“Who the hell was that?” Peter asked breathlessly.

“Deadpool, you wanna know who the best is? It’s him. He’s a survivor, doesn’t die. He’s the go to guy for a suicide mission, he will take on the toughest missions in this military and miraculously gets the best outcome every time. He’s good, but a little crazy.”

“A little? Did you see the way he was staring at me?” Peter cried.

“Couldn’t miss it if I tried.” Hawkeye muttered darkly.

“You know what? Fuck him. I’m going to have a good time tonight and I’m going to do it with a lady.” Peter straightened up and started to scan the club.

“If you say so.” Hawkeye said disbelievingly. “Bet you ten bucks you won’t.”

“Oh you are on.” Peter said just as he found the perfect woman, sitting alone at the bar, she had this bored expression on her face and gorgeous red hair. Hawkeye followed his gaze.

“I think you might want to lower your standards if you want to keep that ten bucks.” Hawkeye said.

“Have some faith, Hawkeye,” Peter said jokingly offended. “Personally I think she looks too good to be true, I can’t take my eyes off of her.” Peter said as he stood up and walked towards her. Hawkeye’s eyes went wide.

“Oh no she does not!” Hawkeye protested as he chased after him. Peter strode over to the red haired woman, he stood behind her and prepared himself.

“Excuse me, miss.” Peter said in his most charming voice. Hawkeye threw himself in between them.

“Sorry miss my friend doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Hawkeye said hurriedly. Peter pushed him aside and began to sing.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you. You’d be like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank god I’m alive. You’re too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.” Peter sang very off key before he skipped to the trombone bit. “Bah da bah da bah da bah da da.”

At this point, other bargoers caught on to what he was doing and started to join in to offer some support. Hawkeye stood next to him with his head in hands. The red haired looked a mixture of embarrassed and amused, which was a good reaction. At last him and the rest of the bar had reached the end of the instrumental part and began to sing with a passion that only a heavily drunk bargoer could provide.  

“I love you baby! And if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely nights. I love you baby trust in me when I say. Oh pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby now that I found you stay and let me love you baby. Let me love youuu!” They reached the crescendo with a cheer. Peter stood there with his arms out as if to say ta-da!

To her credit, she didn’t slap him. Which has been known to happen before, Peter knew he was taking a risk with this approach. She laughed instead and gestured for him to take a seat next to her. Which he did, a little too eagerly.

“You’re lucky I like that song,” She finally said. “Does that work on all the girls?”

“I’ve been thrown out of a few bars over it.” Peter admitted, she laughed.

“Mary Jane Watson.” She introduced herself.

“Spiderman,” Peter automatically replied, shit.

“You must’ve had a lot of trouble at school with a name like that.” Mary Jane remarked.

“It’s my call sign, sorry, I’ve introduced myself to a lot of people today. It’s actually Peter Parker.” Peter awkwardly ran his hand through his hair, why was he like this?

“Oh you’re a pilot!” She said enthused, she seemed the type to not fake enthusiasm for a guy so Peter went with it.

“Yeah a naval aviation officer.” He replied. She nodded.

“Well Spiderman, I hate to say this but your plane has flown the coup. I’m was waiting for a friend and he just got here. But it’s been great talking instead of singing.” Mary Jane smiled as she left to greet her friend, not even caring that planes do not fly from coups. 

“Barkeep, beer for this broken heart.” Peter turned to the bartender after she left, he looked back at her after he got his beer and she was still looking at him. Peter might still be in here. She smiled and got up out of the booth she and her friend were sitting in. She walked away, Peter wasn’t about to give up this easily. He stood up and followed her as she headed into the ladies bathroom. Peter took a moment to glance around the corridor to make sure no one saw him as he walked in. Fortunately she only went in there to fix her lipstick otherwise this would have been awkward.

“Something you’re not telling me, Peter?” Mary Jane smirked at him.

“Only that you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life.” Peter replied.

“Oh so I am sleeping with you then?” Mary Jane asked the sarcasm radiating off her.

“That’s not what I meant, but that can be arranged if you’d like.” Peter said, it sounded a lot cooler in his head.

“I’ll think about it.” She responded as she adjusted her bra straps. It sounded sincere and that was good enough for Peter. “Eyes front, solider.” She said as she left the bathroom. Peter followed her out.

Mary Jane walked past Hawkeye and stopped. She glanced back at Peter and turned to Hawkeye.

“Your friend is a sensational love maker.” Mary Jane said so convincingly that even Peter had to second guess himself. With a flick of her hair she was gone. Hawkeye silently pulled out a ten dollar note out of his wallet and handed it to Peter. He did have a good night, not the one he was expecting, but still a good night. And he did it all without thinking of that irritating Deadpool.


	2. Listen To Her Howlin Roar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first full day of classes was possibly one of the worst days of Peter’s young life, and this is coming from a man who once spent a summer stationed in Milwaukee
> 
> Or Peter's first day at school (tm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How bad is it that this is becoming my favourite thing I've ever written? Pretty bad I think, idk I really love this.

The first full day of classes was possibly one of the worst days of Peter’s young life, and this is coming from a man who once spent a summer stationed in Milwaukee. It started out fine, it started out great in fact. Last night had sealed the friendship deal between Hawkeye and him, they were bantering back and forth as though they had known each other for years. They entered the hanger, which was currently set up like a classroom, and headed for the two empty seats up the front, unfortunately Deadpool had already arrived. And Peter’s bad day began.

“Our songbird has arrived! You going to serenade me next?” Deadpool mockingly battered his eyelashes.

“Yeah here’s one especially for you, it’s called Teenage Lobotomy.” Peter snapped back, Flash’s record collection finally proved itself useful.

“I have one for you too, a little ditty called Sexual Healing.” Deadpool waggled his eyebrows at him. Peter tightened his jaw, it was all he could do from punching this guy in the face. How the hell does he get away with that shit here? All Peter said back at his old base was he liked musicals and he never heard the end of it. “Not a Marvin Gaye fan? How about Love Me Do? I Wanna Know What Love Is? Stop me when you hear something you like.”

“Do you have a problem with me or something?” Peter asked puffing up his chest. Hawkeye quickly grabbed him.

“That’s quite enough of that, don’t you think?” Hawkeye asked as he pulled Peter away from Deadpool and towards his seat.

As soon as Hawkeye sat Peter down the Instructor walked into the room, one of these days Peter should really learn his name. Today was not going to be that day, thanks to fucking Deadpool. Peter couldn’t figure that asshole out, one minute he was criticising his flying and the next he was calling him baby boy. Like what the fuck. He has never had another officer treat him like this before, it was fucking bizarre. Like Flash was fucking brutal, but he consistently treated Peter with disgust. This was a whole new level of bullying and honestly Peter should have known Topgun wasn’t going to be any different.

He was brought out of his thoughts with a hard nudge to his ribcage. And here is where his bad day got even worse

“Introducing our tag rep, call sign Red. With a PhD in astrophysics, there is none more qualified to be standing in front of you right now. Take it away, Red.” The Instructor stood to the side of the classroom as Mary Jane Watson stood at the lectern.

“Here at Topgun, we deal mainly with A5’s or F4’s and occasionally against the MiG-27’s. Now as most of you know,” Mary Jane started to say to the class.

“Oh shit.” Peter mumbled as his eyes went wide in shock. He heard not as subtle as he thought laughter from Hawkeye.

“Isn’t that the chick from the bar?” Hawkeye whispered back through his laughter at Peter’s misfortune.

“Bar? What bar? I have no recollection of what you’re talking about?” Peter said calmly as he reached around his pockets for his sunglasses to cover up the last bit of his pride.

“I hope Miss. Sensational Lovemaker up there has a better memory of it than you do.” Hawkeye wheezed out, there were tears forming in his eyes. Peter thought he was being a little dramatic, if anyone should be crying right now it should be Peter.

“Would you shut up?” Peter hissed at him.

“Is there a problem here, Lieutenant?” Mary Jane was now glaring at Peter. Great, this was going swimmingly.

“No, not it’s just, my friend here thought we only dealt with American planes, the MiG is Russian isn’t it?” Peter quickly made something up to cover his ass. Mary Jane then went on to explain just how wrong Peter’s cover up was to the class.

“Nice save, it’s good you’re just as sensational at lying as you are at love making.” Hawkeye muttered to Peter who nudged him really hard in the side.

Hawkeye spent the rest of that class nursing his side, while Peter sunk lower into his chair than he knew he could go. When the instructor told them to begin today’s simulation, Peter had never been more thankful to get in an airplane. Thank god that was over.

* * *

Except it wasn’t, of course it wasn’t. After he had landed, he and Hawkeye were about to make their way back to the lockers. Mary Jane was waiting for Peter at the entrance to the building, Hawkeye straightened Peter’s collar before Peter shook him off and told him to go fuck himself. With a snicker Hawkeye left and Peter and Mary Jane were alone, and she didn’t look overly thrilled about it.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were stationed at Topgun?” She demanded to know. Peter shrugged.

“I guess it didn’t come up in conversation.” Peter started to walk away from her, except she started walking after him. “Would it have made last night more sensational?” Peter smirked. He wasn’t sure where that came from, but he wasn’t a fan.

“I am an instructor at this school, I see twenty new recruits who think they’re the greatest thing to happen to this earth every eight weeks. Do you really think that you’re going to impress me?” Mary Jane challenged Peter.

“I think I already have.” Peter said with an arrogance he wasn’t aware he had. What was with him and women? He never managed to have a normal fucking conversation.

However from the way that Mary Jane smiled at him, he think he might have gotten away with that. He thought now would be a great time to make a dramatic exit before he blows it any more than he already has. He suddenly turned a corner and walked away from her, back on track towards the lockers.

Peter had just made it up the flight of stairs, he was so close to the lockers and a fresh set of sweat free clothes he could taste it. Unfortunately that’s not how Peter Parker’s life works.

“Baby Boy!” Deadpool yelled after him, the bad day strikes again. “So Hawkeye’s your new co-pilot.”

“It looks that way.” Peter replied as calmly as he could.

“Such a shame, I was quite fond of him, I hope he goes out peacefully once you’re done with him.” Deadpool said sadly. For fuck’s sake, Peter couldn’t believe this.

“You make him sound like a fucking used condom.” Peter scoffed at him.

“Funny you should make that parallel, isn’t that how you’ve treated all the others? Use them as protection and just throw them to the side once you’ve had your wicked way with them.” Deadpool once again went back to his favourite hobby of claiming all of Peter’s personal space as his own. Oh how Peter loves that, not.

“You don’t know fucking jack shit about how I’ve treated my co-pilots.” Peter spat at him.

“Oh yeah? Tell that to Daredevil.” Deadpool said, the anger was now radiating off him. Oh shit. Peter’s expression softened. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Deadpool shook his head as he walked off.

Well, that could have gone better.

* * *

At least his day got better, at least he thought it did. Hawkeye and Peter had to hunt down their instructor, which Peter now knows is called Coulson, and “hit” him. This was supposed to show to Coulson what kind of a pilot you were. Peter was so excited to finally prove his worth, particularly after dealing with Deadpool and having all that shit about what happened to Daredevil make a reappearance. He never felt worse, if he was being honest. But being back in the air, all his insecurities melted away, it was just him and this beautiful F4, and that’s all Peter could really ask for in life.

Except what did Peter expect other than the worst to happen, sure they completed the mission, and in record time too. But did anyone focus on that? No, you know what Coulson said over radio as he was “shot” down? He said they were flying below the hot deck and were to get their asses back to base immediately. Admittedly Hawkeye said that would be what would happen if they did it. And ok, yes, he knew you weren’t allowed to shoot under ten thousand feet but it was a clean shot and it was a training simulation. Who cares if they fly a tiny bit too close to the ground? Honestly people overreact over the slightest thing around here.

And of course, of course Deadpool was witness to the whole thing, of course he was. That’s just how Peter’s life goes. And of course he was waiting in the locker room for Peter to show up, not that Peter noticed him through the small crowd of the other pilots telling him and Hawkeye how proud they were he took down the sad bastard himself. It was just went Peter had mostly pulled his jumpsuit off when Deadpool made his move.

“Do you need me to leave? Because if you need the extra space in here to accommodate your massive ego I completely understand,” Deadpool asked thankfully sitting down and not in Peter’s face. This made a pleasant change.

“Could you just knock it off for five minutes, Wilson?” Peter sighed.

“I don’t know, Baby Boy. It depends, who nearly died today?” Deadpool stood up and returned to his usual post of getting uncomfortably in Peter’s space. Great, fantastic, just what Peter needed.

“You if you don’t back off with the fucking Baby Boy.” Peter threatened with a smile. It didn’t sound as intimidating when he had nothing but his underwear and vest on and his jumpsuit around his ankles.

“Fucking baby boy, now there’s an idea.” Deadpool murmured so only he and Peter could hear, he had to be doing it to wind Peter up he had to. He even straightened up Peter’s tank top straps, that can’t be anything else other than to get on Peter’s very last nerve.

Fortunately, or unfortunately as it soon turned out, Coulson marched into the locker room and demanded Hawkeye and Peter get out of their flight gear and go up to Captain America’s office ASAP. Deadpool winked at him as he turned away back to his own locker. One day Peter’s going to slam Deadpool so hard he won’t be able to walk right for the next month. Just you fucking wait.

* * *

The Captain’s office was cold, that’s what Peter first noticed as he and Hawkeye entered. He noticed it because despite it being freezing, Peter was sweating like a whore in a church house. It was awful.

“Gentlemen, I’m stunned. Truly stunned, we haven’t had a first day like this in years. I would almost say you should be proud of yourselves. I won’t because you shouldn’t be, you went under the hot deck, which you knew to be ten thousand feet. Why?” Captain America paused for a moment, not a long enough moment for Hawkeye or Peter to answer however. “To follow Coulson here? Admittedly you got him and you got him damn well, but that’s not important here. You broke a major rule of engagement! You know why that’s there, Gentlemen? To protect yourselves, your team and any potential civilians below. I will not have anyone’s safety compromised at this academy. You try this again gentlemen and you’re out. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir!” Both Peter and Hawkeye chorused back. The Captain smiled at them.

“Good, now get out of my office,”

Hawkeye and Peter quickly scurried as fast as they could out of there. The second the door was closed Hawkeye turned to Peter.

“Yeah thanks for that, I really appreciate it.” Hawkeye said sarcastically.

“Oh come on not you too.” Peter protested, this just wasn’t fair at this point,

“Yes me too, that shit you pulled today was dangerous, I know you said you get into the moment but Jesus, I had no idea.” Hawkeye wiped the sweat off his face with his hands, glad Peter wasn’t the only one.

“I’m sorry, I won’t let it happen again. I just needed to prove to someone that I’m good after Deadpool fucking dragged me through the mud for the fifth time today,” Peter admitted.

“He really gets to you, huh?” Hawkeye remarked. “You don’t need to prove jack, you just need to focus on getting both of us through to graduation.”

“Yeah… I’m really sorry. You’re my first friend in a while, I need to get used to being in a team.”

“Should I trust fall? I’ve been told that’s great for team building.” Hawkeye suggested.

“Don’t you dare!” Peter yelled as Hawkeye started to fall back.

This was this oddest feeling, after all that time at his old base it felt weird to have an ally. Someone he could call a friend. Maybe he will take Deadpool’s advice and not fuck it up.


	3. Metal Under Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aww it’s ok, Baby Boy. Who needs women anyway?
> 
> Or time to develop Mary Jane as a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it blindingly obvious that I have too much free time yet? I think it is. This love triangle thing is exhausting my god.

Peter was right, there was a test at the end of the week. All his notes were not in vain, Hawkeye told Peter he better share or wipe that smug grin off his face, preferably both. What made Peter so smug was not only was he totally prepared for this test, but Mary Jane would be overseeing it. Score one for the P-Dog… ok he will never refer to himself as P-Dog again.

He was on the last essay question, he had his notes, a dictionary and various textbooks all splayed out in front of him. He totally had this in the bag, he tried not to let the fact that Deadpool was sitting in front of him shake him too much. The classroom was silent apart from the click clacking of Mary Jane’s heels. She was walking from table to table inspecting everyone’s progress and occasionally making the odd comment on their answers. Eventually she made her way to Peter’s desk, she loomed over his shoulder reading his essay.

“A rolling reversal would work well in that situation.” Mary Jane commented.

“If I reversed on a hard cross I could immediately go to guns on him.” Peter explained his thinking.  Mary Jane frowned at him.

“At that speed it’s too fast. It’s a little aggressive.”

“When I set my sights on something, I make sure I get it.” Peter replied with a grin, asshole Peter is back with a vengeance. He could see out the corner of his eye, Deadpool lean back in his chair. “You know, you never mentioned all this the other night.” Peter gestured to her name tag.

“Didn’t I? It must not have come up in conversation.” Mary Jane smirked. Oh she did not.

“You wound me.” Peter dramatically put his hand on his chest to confirm that, yes, he was indeed wounded.

“I’m sure you’ll recover.”

“Not even going to take me out to dinner to help the healing process?” A ballsy move from Parker, let’s see if it pays off.

“I don’t date students, lieutenant.” Mary Jane briskly turned him down. Peter could hear Deadpool snicker in front of him. Goddamnit “It takes a lot more than a fast jet to impress me.” She closed the conversation by taking a sheet of paper from her clipboard and placing it on Peter’s desk.

Peter picked it up after she walked off, it was her address and a time to be there. Peter did his best to not cheer very loudly in front of the entire class. He quickly packed up his things and went to leave the classroom.

“Aww it’s ok, Baby Boy. Who needs women anyway?” Deadpool continued to snicker. Peter leaned on his table and leaned in real close to Deadpool, their noses were basically touching. Deadpool looked highly amused by this sudden development.

“I can see why you’d think that. How can you need what won’t come near you with a ten foot pole?” Peter said with a false sympathy. He hoped this insult would pack more of a punch, instead Deadpool looked like Christmas had come early.

“It’s not their ten foot poles I want.” Deadpool grinned evilly before, and Peter wasn’t kidding when he said this, he kissed Peter on the cheek. Peter reeled back as Deadpool burst out laughing. “Have fun crying and jerking into your pillow! If you need a hand you know where to find me.” Deadpool wheezed out through his bellowing laughter.

Deadpool just kissed him on the cheek and then offered him a handjob, all in the same ten seconds. This was the most bizarre thing to ever happen to him. Particularly because he couldn’t tell if Deadpool was being serious or not, usually someone with this much persistence would be serious. But then someone with this much persistence wouldn’t be furious with Peter for ruining their close friend’s career. This was fucked up, Peter would be the first to say it, it’s seriously fucked up.

Peter took a moment to recover his composure before almost running out of the classroom. Deadpool had won this round… and every other round. For fuck’s sake, Peter needed to work on his game.

* * *

Peter showed up to Mary Jane’s house earlier than he probably should have, he probably could have gotten away with fashionably late. There were no cool terms for being early, this wasn’t cool he should go away and come back, fuck this was impossible. He’s overthinking it, just knock on the door.

He knocked on the door, the temptation to just run away was overwhelming. Mary Jane opened the door a minute later, she looked radically different to how Peter has seen her normally. For starters her hair was tied back, she was in jeans and a t-shirt and she wasn’t wearing shoes. It was a really pleasant change. She smiled when she saw him.

“Oh good you’re here, I was just about to put the potatoes in the oven. Come make sure I don’t burn anything.” Mary Jane gestured for Peter to come in.

“I’m not sure I’m much help there, I’m not that great at cooking.” Peter said bashfully as he stepped inside and Mary Jane closed the door behind him.

“Me neither, this dinner is going to become very interesting.” Mary Jane remarked as she made her way down the corridor, Peter followed her. They ended up at what could be mistaken for Frankenstein’s lab, but was in face Mary Jane’s mess of a kitchen.

“Oh wow.” Peter coughed out as he waved the smoke out of his face.

“Shit! My peas!” Mary Jane pulled the pan off the hotplate to reveal very much burnt peas.

“You burnt frozen peas?” Peter tried to keep his laughter as contained as possible.

“Listen, do I come over to you and criticise how you live your life?” Mary Jane tried to defend herself as she scrapped her peas out of the pan into the bin.

“Yes actually, you might remember that’s your job.” Peter said snarkily back.

“It’s your fault, you know. I thought I might try something impressive instead of my boil in the bag usual.” Mary Jane pouted at the mess that was supposed to be her great first date dinner. Peter couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, he picked up the tray of potatoes and placed it in the oven making sure it was both on and at an appropriate temperature.

“Since it’s my fault, how about I finish this up and you grab something to settle your nerves?” Peter suggested.

“You are a godsend.” Mary Jane thanked as she opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, she popped the cork and pushed past Peter to her glasses. She poured herself one and chugged it back before slamming the glass back on the counter.

“Wow professor, you’re not all what you seem.” Peter admired before looking at the unseasoned chicken in front of him, oh boy we have a challenge here.  

“Don’t call me that, you make me feel a hundred years old.” Mary Jane admonished.

“That’s odd because you don’t look a day over twenty.” Peter did possibly the worst flirting he’s done in a long time. Somehow it still worked, Mary Jane giggled at him. Peter began to quickly glance over the recipe Mary Jane was using. “Did you read the preparation time on this thing?”

“No?” Mary Jane replied in a why would I do that way.

“Four hours.” Peter explained. Mary Jane’s eyes went wide.

“I’ll order pizza.” Mary Jane admitted defeat. Peter pour them both a glass of wine. It looked like they would need it.

The dinner after its initial failure went fairly well, the pizza actually tasted really good. Mary Jane told Peter all about how she ended up teaching at Top Gun as a civilian, which was actually fairly interesting. Peter in turned told her various anecdotes about life in the navy. By the end of it both of them were fairly drunk.

They were now sitting on some deck chairs on her porch, the sun had started to set. Peter was in the middle of talking about the last time he tried serenading a girl and he ended up with a black eye. Mary Jane was sitting there looking entranced by this story, she was laughing along with him. Once he’d finished and she had stopped laughing there was this lingering pause.

“You know, I can’t believe that I would enjoy a stupid mistake so much.” Mary Jane remarked. Peter wasn’t sure how take this.

“Pardon?” Peter asked.

“Oh well it’s just, it occurred to me just now that this could potentially be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. It could ruin my entire career.” Mary Jane explained as though she was explaining why the sky was blue.

“I didn’t think it was that serious. There’s no protocol against it.” Peter shrugged it off.

“Yeah but it’s heavily frowned upon. I didn’t get to the person I am today to just suddenly become the slut who sleeps with her students.” Mary Jane continued. Peter feels kind of offended and he’s not entirely sure why.

“It’s lucky for you we haven’t slept together then.” Peter said. There was a long pause as they sat in tense silence, whether it was sexually charged or not was up for debate. Peter eventually put an end to this and stood up. “I got to get going. Early start and all.” Peter shrugged.

“Oh, ok. It was good seeing you.” Mary Jane said awkwardly.

“You too.” Peter replied as he walked away.

Fuck, maybe this wasn’t the good idea he originally thought it was. He didn’t want to ruin her career, and he definitely didn’t want to become a notch on her belt. And he didn’t particularly like being called a stupid mistake. He didn’t think he could ever list that as one of his turn-ons.

But then she looked so gorgeous tonight, and she was so laidback. She had her guard down and Peter liked what he saw. She was funny and she wanted to impress Peter so badly, she was just so gorgeous tonight. Peter definitely could see himself falling for her.

All this however didn’t explain the thought that had popped into Peter’s head of why he got a kiss out of Deadpool and not the woman he was about to potentially date. It was too late now he was on his way back to the academy. But why didn’t it occur to him to kiss her?

* * *

Peter managed to avoid Mary Jane for most of the next day, he said most. He was waiting for the elevator and it opened to reveal her standing at the back. Fuck. He got in and awkwardly flashed a smile at her as he pressed his floor, she didn’t return it instead she looked the other way. As the elevator doors closed she turned towards him.

“Peter, I’ve got to be honest with you, I don’t normally invite students to my house.” Mary Jane explained, this sounded uncomfortably like a break up speech. Peter turned to face her. “I can’t possibly risk my career over something like this, you understand, right?”

Peter leaned into her, he wasn’t sure what he was doing but it seemed like something a normal human would do.

“Well, I’m glad we’ve got that straight.” Peter said staring into her eyes. Now this, this felt like sexual tension to Peter. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a while until the elevator stopped. It was Peter’s floor. “See ya round, Red.” Peter said to her as he left.

As far as possible break-ups went, Peter would say that he won that round, it was about time too. If only he could have been that cool, calm, and collected around Deadpool.


	4. Beggin You To Touch And Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thou dost insult me, thou art my slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.
> 
> Or Back to the boys club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we reach the part of the movie that idc about tbh. So I ignored it and moved off into my own thing.

Hawkeye had dragged Peter out to this dingy bar that honestly looked like the embodiment of Hepatitis C. Hawkeye apparently discovered it walking back from a “not as nice” bar to the base. Peter found it very hard to believe there was a bar out there worse than this. He wasn’t even sitting on the leather part of the booth, he was sitting on foam and a spring, which Peter might add was uncomfortably digging into his thigh. Hawkeye had gotten them a pitcher each, which was ambitious if Peter was saying so. Not that he was complaining when Hawkeye was buying the round.

They were half a pitcher in, Hawkeye suddenly had this devious look on his face that Peter wasn’t expecting considering they were arguing about baseball. It wasn’t a look Peter was a fan of if he was being honest. He gave Hawkeye a suspicious look in return.

“So, kid, where were you the other night, huh? Suddenly can’t hang out with your old pal Hawkeye,” Hawkeye probed, knowing full well where Peter was the other night.

“Where do you think?” Peter asked, hoping to change the subject. It was a lost cause of course, this is Hawkeye we’re talking about.

“Probably at Deadpool’s cabin solving a few unresolved issues, if you know what I mean,” Hawkeye replied with a grin, Peter instantly regretting his previous question.   

“That’s disgusting, that is truly the foulest thing I have ever heard. How do you sleep at night?” Peter yelled at Hawkeye who just burst out laughing. Peter rolled his eyes as he took another swig from his glass. 

“Even you got to admit it, he’s a determined little fucker.” Hawkeye finally said after recovering from his laughing fit.  

“Please don’t mention fuck and Deadpool in the same sentence, I may lose my lunch.” Peter muttered.

“Would it be that bad? I mean he’d be a forceful lover, he’d know exactly what he’d want. Doesn’t that just make your blood boil?” Hawkeye waggled his eyebrows. Well that was it, Peter was done with the human race for today.

“When I tried to change the subject, this really isn’t where I wanted it to go.” Peter grumbled.

“So where were you really if you weren’t bopping the top of the leader board?” Hawkeye asked.

It was a sad fact, Deadpool had ended the last two weeks here top of the leader board, with Peter only a few points behind him. It sucked, it really did, that not only was he a giant asshole but he was also the best pilot in the academy. He was always just one step ahead of Peter and Peter just didn’t get it. Life just wasn’t fair.

“If you really must know, I was at a certain instructor’s house.” Peter admitted.

“Not Coulson!” Hawkeye looked scandalised, and he didn’t look like he was joking.

“No! Not Coul- I’m not gay, Hawkeye!” Peter protested. Sometimes in this friendship he had to take a moment to recover from the blind stupidity that was Clint Barton.

“Who said you were?” Hawkeye frowned, he then took a moment to process this information. “Was this a date?” Hawkeye gasped.

“Possibly.” Peter said as he took a sip of his beer. Hawkeye cheered.

“Look at you go! Was she just as sensational the second time?”

“Well I don’t know, she kind of dumped me on Monday.” Peter clarified trying desperately not to make it seem as sad as it sounded.

“Love ‘em and leave ‘em, good on her.” Hawkeye said proudly.

“Not when I’m the them, Hawkeye! Terrible friend.” Peter tutted. Why did fate saddle him with a friend like this?

“Well what do you want me to say? She’s your instructor, man. It’d be like sleeping with Captain America, actually it’s probably better than that because you won’t get court marshalled for sleeping with Red.” Hawkeye rambled on.

“Thank you for your kind support. It is with those uplifting words, I shall piece back together my broken heart.” Peter said as sarcastically as he possibly could. Hawkeye rolled his eyes at him.

“You knew her a week, you’ll be fine. I swear you’re so dramatic sometimes, should really have considered acting before you joined up.” Hawkeye dismissed Peter’s n

“Thou dost insult me, thou art my slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.” Peter gestured his hands wildly around to fully get his message across.

“Wow that was almost good,” Hawkeye said mockingly impressed. “Personally I would have gone with Romeo’s Rosalind speech but you can wildly misquote Hamlet, each to their own.” Hawkeye said as he refilled his now empty glass.

“Since when are you an expert on Shakespeare?” Peter asked sceptically.

“You got to respect the greats, kid. Someone as young as you might not get that yet but when you become as old as I am.” Hawkeye started in his best impersonation of his future old man self.

“Oh please, you’re five years older than me, grandpa.”  Peter interrupted him with a scoff.

“And don’t you forget it.” Hawkeye jokingly scolded. Peter laughed at that.

Having someone to talk to other than himself and occasionally Aunt May was something Peter forgot he needed. Peter was honestly glad he had it back.

* * *

The next day, Peter fucked up. It wasn’t a massive fuck up. But people weren’t overly happy with him. The class was put into groups as they had to go up in the air and “hit” the enemy, unbeknownst to them, the enemy today was Captain America and Coulson in one man jets. Peter and Hawkeye were paired with Deadpool and Bob because that’s how life goes. Peter and Hawkeye had somehow adopted the role of Deadpool’s wingmen, and that shit’s just not going to fly with Peter.

Suddenly Coulson and Captain America split up, Coulson stayed steadily in front of them while Captain America disappeared. Deadpool and Bob made the decision to stay on Coulson’s tail, and as their wingmen Peter and Hawkeye were supposed to cover them. Except Peter spotted Captain America at 3 o’clock low, and Peter was not going to miss the chance of getting his commanding officer. Despite Hawkeye repeatedly telling him to stop fucking around and stay on Deadpool’s wing. Peter went after Captain America, Deadpool and Bob could handle Coulson.    

Peter was on Captain America’s tail, he was so close. He could feel the adrenaline pump through him as he lined up the shot. This was it, this was his big moment, he was finally going to show them once and for all how good a pilot Peter Parker actually was. Except the high pitched beeping started, they’d been hit, Coulson was on their tail after he hit Deadpool and Bob without them noticing. Fuck, Peter was going to get so much shit for this. Hawkeye had already started with the sarcastic comments and they hadn’t even landed yet, goddamnit.

* * *

Peter was on his way to the showers, he needed a good rinse off to get the feeling of failure of him. He wasn’t sure actually if that would work but it was entirely possible.  He walked into the showers and Deadpool was there, he’d just gotten out, at least Peter figured that he did, it was hard to tell if it was sweat or water that was glistening off him. Peter genuinely considered walking away and never showering again. In fact that’s what he was doing before Deadpool looked up to see Peter in the doorway, oh shit he looked pissed.

“Oh hey, Baby Boy, didn’t see you there. Don’t mind me, just showering off the blood cause y’know I died today.” Deadpool said light heartedly. So far not that bad, Peter was expecting worse. Deadpool then scratched his head for dramatic effect. “Actually now that I think of it, it’s funny. I haven’t died out there since… well since never and suddenly you become my wingman and hmm I appeared to have died. Isn’t that just the darndest thing?”

“What do you want me to say, Deadpool? I’m sorry I tarnished your perfect record?” Peter said flippantly as he cautiously entered the bathroom. If he could stick to the walls and shuffle around to the showers, he might get out of here alive. Except that plan didn’t work because Deadpool marched towards him with such a ferocity that Peter started composing his will in his head.

“I don’t give a shit about my perfect record, Parker. You know what I want you to say? I want you to admit that you’re a fucking threat to anyone that flies with you. I want you to say that you’re more dangerous than any enemy we could ever face. And I want you to fucking admit what happened to Matt was all your fucking fault.” Deadpool spat in Peter’s face. Oh that was it.

“Ok you know what? Fuck you, you may have been there when Matt was in flight school. But that’s the only time you ever fucking were. You weren’t there when he was my only friend in that hellhole of a base we were stationed at. You weren’t there when we used to trade flying tactics when there was nothing to do, oh yeah didn’t I mention? Everything I learnt about flying I learnt from him, so you can shut the fuck up about me being a threat. And you weren’t there when we were hit because I was fucking stupid and didn’t fucking avoid it in time. You weren’t there at the hospital where I stayed with him until he got out. You weren’t there when I went basically AWOL so I could help Matt get back on his feet and get a new job because when you lose your sight you’re on your own, you wanted help from the navy? You’re shit out of luck, my friend. You weren’t there after he met Foggy and he told me to go back to the Navy for Matt because it was seriously worrying Matt how upset I was. You weren’t there when I had to crawl back to my commanding officer and plead with him to let me back in because I would have been homeless, jobless with no prospects if he didn’t let be back in. Matt and I had nothing and I don’t know where the fuck you were Mr. Holier Than Thou but wherever you fucking were didn’t earn you the right to hold Matt’s accident over me.” Peter was basically breathing fire at this point. Deadpool for once was deadly silent, Peter searched his face for any sort of reaction that Peter could rip into, but his expression was indecipherable. Peter took that as a victory. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Peter walked towards the shower so he could clean off the steam out of his ears. Today Peter achieved his greatest accomplishment, today he made Deadpool speechless.

* * *

Unfortunately that speechlessness didn’t last very long. Peter was in his cabin that evening when he heard a knock on his door. Sadly it wasn’t Hawkeye with the booze Peter was promised or Mary Jane begging Peter to take her back. It was a very awkward looking Deadpool, not just because of general demeanour but what he was wearing Jesus Christ, normally Peter doesn’t pay much attention to clothing but this was something else. He was wearing this awful light blue nylon jacket with what he was guessing were shoulder pads, which wow honestly he felt like he was back home with Aunt May with shoulder pads that lethal. He was also wearing possibly the lowest cut tank Peter had ever born witness to, and emblazoned on it in bold black letters BLINK IF YOU WANT ME. Normally Peter would be content to make fun of the baggy acid wash jeans but this whole ensemble was bizarre. Deadpool even being here was bizarre. All this weirdness didn’t stop Peter from making a sarcastic comment however.

“Nice outfit, does it come in men’s?” Peter smirked.

“Right, I’ll be going then.” Deadpool said, he didn’t move however. There was an awkward pause. “Are you going to let me in or am I going to have to do this here?”

“I don’t know I’m worried you’ll poke my eye out with those shoulder pads. Are you even allowed to bring a jacket that dangerous into a military base?” Peter was still a little mad but he was willing to put that aside for this outfit, dear lord, he was not going let an opportunity like this pass him by.

“I’ll have you know that it’s not shoulder pads, it’s just very baggy and my shoulders are very bulky,” Wade corrected him defensively. Bullshit, Peter knew a shoulder pad when he saw it. He saw enough Dynasty to know that.

“Oh I see. And so the tank is what?” Peter had his arms crossed and was leaning against the doorframe, fully taking in the atrocity in front of him.

“Off the discount rack at Gadzooks. Look I’m coming in it’s fucking freezing out here.” Deadpool pushed past Peter and into the house.

“I wonder why.” Peter muttered. He closed the door behind Deadpool. He turned to face the mess in front of him. “Alright why are you here? I don’t usually let assholes as huge as yourself in my cabin, there’s usually not enough room.”

“Well I suppose with your ego in here too it is a tight fit.” Deadpool quipped back. Peter crossed his arms, looking incredibly unimpressed.

“You can leave y’know, no one’s forcing you to be here.” Peter didn’t want to sound like he wanted Deadpool out of his cabin and out of his life but…

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I didn’t know how it went down with Daredevil, I only heard what I got told in the paper and when I bumped him a little while ago he wasn’t overly keen to talk about it.” Wade fumbled through an apology. “And I get it, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this award winning body has been through some shit and I just assumed the worst.”

Peter was unsure what to do with this apology, he could take it but honestly it didn’t feel like much of an apology. When Deadpool noticed Peter wasn’t saying anything he continued to talk.

“I’m not going to apologise for criticising your flying, because I stand by that. You are reckless when you fly and you don’t consider the team when you’re making high risk decisions like that, honestly I commend Hawkeye for being able to fly with you because I sure as fuck wouldn’t. But that Daredevil thing was out of line, and I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.” Deadpool said with a gravity that Peter wasn’t expecting to ever come out of Deadpool.

“That’s the only thing that was out of line? What about the whole Baby Boy thing?” Peter asked disbelievingly. Deadpool seemed a bit confronted by this question but it quickly went away.

“Baby Boy is hilarious, you look way too young to be in the Navy, I’m dead certain you’re lying about your age,” Deadpool laughed, Peter didn’t mean that and he was ninety nine percent sure Deadpool knew he didn’t mean that. “Well this has been sufficiently awkward. I look forward to what insult you’ll throw at me tomorrow.”

Deadpool left to avoid having to answer the actual question Peter was asking, Peter was sure of it. Which was absolutely not what he wanted out of this situation, the possibility Deadpool was genuinely flirting with him was now a viable option. Peter didn’t want that, he absolutely didn’t want that. Because he wasn’t gay, mostly, there was this one guy when he was in flight school, but everyone has one guy back in flight school, this is the same navy the Village People sang about. But whatever even if he was this was Deadpool we’re talking about, the same mortal enemy Deadpool. The same mortal enemy that was now possibly genuinely flirting with him. Who knew he’d be the most popular gal at the ball? Not Peter, definitely not Peter.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested here's the picture that inspired Deadpool's outfit, its a grade a look let me tell you. 
> 
> http://cdn2.retrowaste.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/1980s-mens-fashion.jpg


	5. Highway To The Danger Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He should keep his hard on to himself."
> 
> Or They all go and get drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Peter turned out to be Meg Ryan, who knew?   
> Also guess who is bad at consistent updates? Is it me, I think it's me.

Peter didn’t know why he was back at this bar he swore to Hawkeye he would never go again. The fact Hawkeye had made it his local after the last time they went did nothing to stem the repulsion Peter felt when he walked in. It was a Friday night too so everyone was in, and even though Peter knew he could take them all in a fight, the local crowd was very terrifying to look at. Hawkeye, on the other hand, seemed at ease here and this was a more terrifying thought than how long has it been since the table top had been cleaned.

“I have news.” Peter announced, it was quite sudden too, they were joking about Coulson’s deep undying love of Captain America. Hawkeye went wide eyed.

“Is it real? Is the love that cannot be actually real?” Hawkeye gasped.

“No, it’s not about that. Deadpool came to my cabin last night.” Peter revealed, Hawkeye didn’t even look slightly surprised.

“Ah yes, are your issues resolved?” Hawkeye asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“No!.. well yes actually but not like that. He apologized for being so hard on me.” Peter explained.

“He should keep his hard on to himself.” Hawkeye laughed at his own joke. Peter rolled his eyes so forcefully they nearly rolled out of his head.

“But then he said that the Baby Boy nickname came from me being ridiculously young, which is such bullshit.” Peter scoffed, it was about high time he had a bitch about all this with Hawkeye. Not that Peter enjoyed bitching about this with Hawkeye, because he always found a way to turn it back to Deadpool and Peter fucking. Not that that would ever fucking happen.

“You are ridiculously young, though.” Hawkeye remarked.

“Yeah, but when you factor in Baby Boy and then all the flirting.”

“Flirting?”

“He flirts with me! It’s so fucking stupid! One minute he rants about how much he hates my flying and how I’m an irresponsible pilot and the next he’s kissing me and offering me a hand job, it’s fucking bullshit.” Peter ranted, Hawkeye’s jaw had hit the floor at this point.

“He what?”

“Oh yeah, when Mary Jane asked me out, Deadpool thought she shot me down. So he was insulting me all up in my face, and I insulted him right back, then he kissed me on the cheek and told me if I need a hand crying and wanking into my pillow I know where to find him. He’s got some fucking nerve.” Peter continued to vent. Hawkeye was about to put his two cents into the matter when they heard a glass break over by the pool tables. They both turned to look at what caused it.

“I oughta shove this cue so far up your ass you’ll be tasting wood, you faggot son of a bitch! I bet you won’t think much of that, fucker!” This bearded biker yelled so the whole bar could hear. Peter went to stand up to defend the guy who was about to be skewered when he heard this familiar cocky laugh.

“Au contraire,” Peter recognised that seductive voice, it was the same seductive voice that Peter had come to dread. Peter had a hard time resisting the urge to sit down and let the bastard get what was coming to him. He sighed and walked over to the two angry men.

“You sick motherfucker!” The bearded man yelled even louder.

“Oh it won’t be your mother I’ll be fucking.” Deadpool quickly retorted. Peter thought now might be the time to make his presence known because the bearded man just went a dark shade of purple.

“Is my friend here bothering you?” Peter stepped in front of Deadpool, he wasn’t sure why, Deadpool had a ten tonne more bulk than Peter, he looked more like a housewife bringing her drunken husband home than a threat.

“Baby Boy! Coming to be my knight in shining armour? That won’t be the only thing coming tonight, you gorgeous boy.” Deadpool draped his arms around Peter. Peter was quite taken aback by this move, he was about to shake Deadpool off him when the bearded man dropped his cue at Peter’s feet.

“Fucking faggots ruining every bar in this fucking shithole.” The man spat at them and dramatically left the bar, the second he left Deadpool dropped Peter like a hot potato.

“Fucking asshole, here’s a tip, Parker. The gayer you act the more likely they are to leave you alone.” Deadpool shook his head in disgust as he picked up the beer on the pool table and took a long sip.

“So that was an act?” Peter asked confused. Deadpool took the drink away from his mouth to give Peter an incredulous look.

“Parker, do you really think I would want a pool cue shoved up my ass?” Deadpool scoffed at him.

Well, now Peter looks like an idiot. Here he thought Deadpool had this bizarre crush on him when really he was trying to get Peter to fuck off. That stung a little, Peter wasn’t going to lie. He doesn’t know why it stung that Deadpool wasn’t in fact madly in love with him, he should be feeling waves of relief right now. And here he was oddly dejected. This is the second time this week he’s been rejected, and what was strange was this one hurt more. Deadpool must have noticed Peter’s hurt expression because he put his hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Oh, there there, Baby Boy, you’ll always be my knight in shining armour.” Deadpool laughed.

“Be still my beating heart.” Peter replied dryly.

“What’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this, anyway? Does your mother know you’re here?” Deadpool asked.

“It’s Hawkeye’s regular.” Peter gestured back to the booth where Hawkeye was watching.

“Why am I not surprised?” Deadpool replied brightly as he walked over to the booth. Peter followed him there and watched as Deadpool squeezed into where Peter was sitting. Peter awkwardly sat next to him. “Hello Big Bird, how’s Mr. Snuffleupagus?”

“Imaginary as ever, Deathlake.” Hawkeye replied

“Deadpool.”      

“Didn’t I say that?” Hawkeye replied scathingly, there was a moment of tense silence between them before they both busted out laughing. “Why am I not surprised you’re here in the dingiest part of town?”

“That’s what I said about you! Gosh we’re like twins!” Deadpool said with more enthusiasm than needed.

“Am I missing something here?” Peter asked, very confused at this sudden friendship.

“We went to flight school together, before The Thing here got his face melted off.” Hawkeye explained. Peter shouldn’t be surprised, everyone went to flight school together apparently.

“My face did not melt, it was more like pork crackling on a hot grill.” Deadpool joked. Hawkeye laughed and shook his head.

“I have it under good authority that you could hear sizzling when you hit the water.” Hawkeye replied casually as though he was talking about a swim at the local pool and not a near death experience. Peter was baffled by these two if he was being honest.

“I was unconscious at the time so unfortunately I can neither confirm nor deny.” Deadpool replied sadly. “I think it healed up pretty well though.”

“You look slightly less horrifying than the mole on my Grandma’s thigh.” Hawkeye commented.

“Oh you don’t look that bad.” Peter dismissed Hawkeye’s insult.

“Thank you.” Deadpool said genuinely.

“It’s got this odd beauty to it, like an Edvard Munch painting.” Peter smirked. He could see Hawkeye waggle his eyebrows at him again. At least he thinks he’s being subtle.

“Well at least I’m in a museum.” Deadpool sighed, optimistically taking that as a compliment.

“Yeah, right next to the Elephant Man.” Hawkeye cackled. Deadpool looked like he’d had enough of these insults. “Aww it’s ok, Wilson. Peter thinks you’re beautiful.” Hawkeye said looking very proud of himself, he was not as good a wingman as he thought.

“Well aren’t I the luckiest gal in the tri-state county?” Deadpool said in a derisive southern accent.

“I’ll have you know, little missy, that there are hordes of women out there who wish I found them attractive.” Peter announced dramatically. Deadpool looked at him curiously, as though the words coming out of Peter’s mouth wasn’t being said by him. Peter wasn’t a fan of this look.

“Gay,” Hawkeye coughed out.

“Don’t remind me, Hawkeye. Ours is the love that cannot be.” Peter said just as dramatically as before.

“No that’s Coulson and Captain America.” Hawkeye corrected him.

“Now there is a sad love story if ever I heard one.” Peter shook his head sadly.

* * *

They proceeded to get mind-numbingly smashed, which Peter had not been in a while. It was so bad Hawkeye couldn’t justify driving home in this condition so they foolishly decided to walk. As they were making their way home, Deadpool took Peter aside for a moment. He looked deadly serious for a drunk person. Peter couldn’t help but laugh at his serious expression, it looked so strange on Deadpool. Just as Deadpool went to ask Peter something Hawkeye noticed.

“You thought you could have a chit chat without your old friend Hawkeye, frankly I’m offended.” Hawkeye declared loudly from his position of a few feet in front of them.

“Come on, Hawkeye, you know somewhere out there beneath a pale moonlight someone’s thinking of you and loving you tonight.” Peter started to sing before breaking into hysterical laughter.

“How dare you sing An American Tail at me in a time like this?” Hawkeye yelled shrilly, before also breaking into hysterics. Deadpool looked disappointed in them both.

“Am I the only mostly sober one here?”

“You drank just as much as us,” Peter protested.

“Yeah! Get off your high horse and come join us mere peasants.” Hawkeye bowed dramatically.  Deadpool just rolled his eyes and carried on walking straight past them.

“I think he’s mad.” Peter whispered, more like yelled in a hushed tone.

“It’ll be fine he lost most of his emotions in the accident.” Hawkeye replied in that same voice.

“You’re about to lose most of yours if you don’t shut up,” Deadpool yelled back to them both. They just laughed at the threat. Peter snuck up on Deadpool and leaped on top of him and knocked them both over. Admittedly it was a bad idea in hindsight.

“One! Two! Three! He’s down, a big K.O. from The Spiderman.” Hawkeye yelled from where Peter left him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Deadpool frowned at Peter. Peter had him pinned down, honestly Peter wasn’t sure what he was doing. But he didn’t need to, he was drunk.

“I miss the flirty you.” Peter murmured. “I flirted with you all night and you didn’t flirt back.” He didn’t mean to sound that heartbroken by this development, it just sort of came out that way.

“Right, I wasn’t aware you wanted me to flirt with you.” Deadpool looked just as confused as Peter normally does, hell as Peter feels right now. He had no idea what he was saying right now.

“I don’t, I think, maybe I do. You kissed me though.” Peter continued to mumble.

“Yeah, to intimidate you into leaving me alone.” Deadpool said as though it was obvious, Peter didn’t get that memo apparently.

“I think I liked it, I didn’t at the time, but looking back on it I definitely liked it.” Peter clarified, he honestly didn’t know where this was coming from. Someone stop him.

“I don’t… this isn’t the reaction I usually get.” Deadpool looked alarmed. Peter doesn’t blame him, he still stayed on top of him.

“Do you like it?” Peter asked bluntly.

“I think this is a conversation we should have sober, if at all.” Deadpool replied after a pause. That wasn’t the answer drunk Peter was looking for, meanwhile sober Peter would completely agree except sober Peter is not here right now.

“Oi! Lovebirds! I want to be back at base before sundown. Get off each other and get moving!” Hawkeye yelled at them, while Peter and Deadpool were talking, Hawkeye had made it all the way to the intersection they needed to turn at. Peter pried himself off Deadpool and stood up, he held a hand out for Deadpool to pull himself up.

“Come on you big stud,” Peter grinned. Deadpool took his hand and Peter pulled him up. Deadpool brushed himself off. “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” Peter laughed as he walked off to follow Hawkeye. Deadpool had such a disbelieving look on his face, honestly Peter was enjoying this too much. It was about time Deadpool got a taste of his own medicine.  


	6. Ride Into The Danger Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, this looks bad.”
> 
> Or Peter fucks up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am determined to finish this so I can get back to better things, but this fic is my favourite thing I've ever written someone stop me.

When Peter woke up the next morning he was fairly confident he had a good evening, sure he didn’t remember most of it, and that’s why he was confident it was such a good night. When he went into the academy for his morning class, Hawkeye was there waiting for him with a huge smirk. Peter’s confidence in his evening rapidly dropped, it dropped even further when Deadpool walked into the classroom and completely blanked Peter after an awkward glance. Peter had this sudden sinking feeling that today was going to end poorly.

It wasn’t until they got in their planes that shit hit the fan. It was a fairly standard mission, the officers were sorted into two teams, they were pitted against each other and winning team gets the points. Now in an unfair advantage, Peter and Deadpool were put on the same team. Except now for some reason, Deadpool was Mr. Professional all of a sudden. Every witty comment made by Hawkeye and Peter was straight up ignored by Deadpool. That wasn’t even the worst of it, Deadpool acted like he had something to prove, he was on the enemy’s tail and couldn’t get the angle needed to take the shot. Peter was directly behind Deadpool, he had the shot lined up, Deadpool insisted on taking the shot. It wasn’t until the enemy took a hard increase in altitude and a lot of yelling at him to let Peter take the shot that Deadpool gave up and took a hard right out of there. Peter went to fly closer and take the shot but a sudden beeping noise distracted him. The plane was spinning out, Peter couldn’t control it, suddenly engine one went out and engine two quickly followed. Peter heard Deadpool on the radio issuing a mayday. He had to reach the ejection handle, there was no saving this one. He reached for it and pulled, he heard a thump behind him. Oh shit.

Hawkeye had made it, but only just. He had crashed into the canopy of the plane upon ejection. Somehow he survived with a nasty concussion, several broken ribs, a fractured spine and some wounds on his back and face that will one day turn into impressive scars. There were more stiches in Hawkeye then there were in his flight suit. Peter had made it out with just a cool looking cut along his eyebrow. But the emotional scars were something awful. He had done this to his friend, he should have just let Deadpool take the shot, his ego didn’t need to come into this.

Peter had just come from a very serious meeting with the Captain, and Coulson, it was originally supposed to be Peter getting stitches and then maybe some recovery time. But Captain America was on a mission to find out the truth, turns out he’s not a fan when his officers get badly injured. Fortunately Coulson talked him out of anything rash and believed Peter when he said the plane just stopped working and that Peter had no control over it. Despite the fact that Coulson believed him, he still had to undergo a court trial when Hawkeye gets better. It was a five million dollar jet that Peter had crashed after all. Peter had rushed from his hospital room over to Hawkeye’s the second he got a chance.

Hawkeye was awake and drugged up, he was covered in stitches, bandages and braces. He looked awful, Peter felt awful, he shouldn’t have let this happen. He was suddenly reminded of the last time he was in a hospital, Matt had so much gauze on his face, he looked like the invisible man, Peter told Matt this and Matt told him to go fuck himself. Peter didn’t leave his side though, just like he’s not going to leave Hawkeye.

“Okay, this looks bad.” Hawkeye mumbled as Peter stood at his bedside.

“Bad? You look terrible.” Peter remarked nervously. He wasn’t sure if Hawkeye was going to be mad at him, Peter wouldn’t blame him if he was.

“How the fuck did you get out of this with one tiny scar and I got stuck in this torture device?” Hawkeye frowned. Peter didn’t have a reply for that, he just bit his bottom lip and looked away from Hawkeye. “It wasn’t your fault, the plane spazzed out. Stop with the puppy eyes look,”

“It was my fault though, Deadpool was right. I’m a high risk pilot.” Peter said. Hawkeye gave Peter a very knowing glance, what he knew Peter wasn’t sure.

“It’s always back to Deadpool with you, isn’t it?” Hawkeye scoffed with a smile. Hawkeye seriously needs a hobby, perhaps Peter will teach him how to knit someday.

“You barely just survived a training accident and your focus is on me and Deadpool?” Peter asked disbelievingly.

“You never told me what happened last night!” Hawkeye pouted, Peter never thought Hawkeye to be the type to pout.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked confused.

“You were all over each other, he even walked you back to your cabin.” Hawkeye explained, clearly not getting that Peter doesn’t remember any of this.

“No…” Peter said in shock.

 “So tell me, were you the luckiest gal at prom or not?” Hawkeye asked bluntly.

Honestly Peter didn’t know, Peter really didn’t know. He vaguely remembers being on top of Wade at one point, but surely clothes were involved. He can’t have possibly been that drunk, even at his drunkest he usually remembers something like that. And if they did where was Deadpool this morning? Although he did wake up more naked and sweatier than usual. Oh god this wasn’t possible, that would explain Deadpool’s weird behaviour this morning. Fuck.

“I don’t know…” Peter finally admitted.

“You slut.” Hawkeye grinned. Oh for fuck’s sake.

“Shut up, why are we talking about this? I’m supposed to be apologizing here.” Peter quickly changed the subject.

“But I don’t want your apology, I want to know how it was having your cherry popped.” Hawkeye cackled. Peter swears if Hawkeye currently wasn’t high on painkillers, he’d punch him. Only reason he’s not doing it now is because Hawkeye won’t be able to feel it.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t know why I bother.” Peter muttered to himself.

“Listen, my boy. Don’t beat yourself up about this, it was an accident. Now if you’re not going to tell me how it all went down, or rather who went down, you can go back to the academy and let an old man sleep.” Hawkeye said before shutting his eyes and pretending to snore.

“You’re thirty four.” Peter rolled his eyes but stood up and went to leave anyway.

“Don’t sass me, son.” Hawkeye muttered after him.

Peter didn’t want to go back to the academy, Peter didn’t deserve to be anywhere near the academy, he deserves to be back at his old base cleaning toilets. He was a terrible pilot, sure he could fly that plane better than everyone in that entire base. But he couldn’t even look after his closest friend there, he still hadn’t learnt from last time. He was now going to be on co-pilot five, this was bullshit. Anyone who’d let him near a plane was out of their fucking mind.

* * *

Peter felt it was best if he didn’t go back to the academy for a couple days. He instead took in the sights of San Diego, well he tried to, he gave up after Balbo Park. There was far too much walking and not enough alcohol in his opinion. So he spent the time that he wasn’t at the hospital getting blind stinking drunk at Hawkeye’s regular. He found it to be more comforting than disgusting nowadays.

His trial was tomorrow, not that he was in any massive trouble, hell Coulson even offered to take him for a spin in the Tomcat when no one was looking, he was joking but it was a kind offer. Peter knew that it would turn out it wasn’t his fault and he’d be clear of all charges. But at this point Peter was convinced he was bad luck, Deadpool was right, getting in a plane with him was a death sentence.

Speaking of Deadpool, Peter was still very confused about the other night. Peter had no idea what happened.  Not that he had come across Deadpool during his many days sulking at the bar. But Peter had come to the conclusion that if something had happened between them, Peter would be mostly ok with it. This was a surprising realisation for him, he was just mulling it over at the bar last night and it just hit him. He didn’t care, well he did care obviously if it didn’t happen at all he’d be pleased, but if it did, eh. Peter didn’t think of it as a mistake, he didn’t regret it. Honestly if it did happen he was sure drunk him enjoyed it immensely, it was about time he got some action. And Deadpool wasn’t that bad of a guy, Peter could have done a lot worse. Surely Deadpool had to be that cocky for a reason.

“You’ve been skipping class.” Peter had his thoughts interrupted by the tall redhead that Peter should have slept instead of who he actually did. “Mind if I join you?” She had this sweet concerned look on her face, god, Peter really wished that something happened there. She really was gorgeous.

“Not at all.” Peter mumbled. She sat across from him at his booth. She noticed he had a whole pitcher to himself, Peter wasn’t exactly classy when he drank.

“Hawkeye said you might be here wallowing, I see he was right.” Mary Jane remarked. Peter didn’t know what to say to her. “I got a job at Washington, once this course is done I’m moving.”

“Congratulations. You made the right choice.” Peter said, he didn’t mean for it to be as bitter as it sounded. Mary Jane gave him a withering look.

“I looked at the evidence for your case, you weren’t responsible, the TF30 engine has a history of being unreliable. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.” Mary Jane said in an attempt to be comforting.

“Oh but I can and I will.” Peter said snidely, the withering look continued.

“You’ve got to move on from this, Peter, to be one of the greats you have to admit you mistakes and move on. You know how much of a shame it would be for this Navy if you threw in the hat now? You’re a great pilot.”

“You don’t understand.” Peter interrupted her little motivational rant.

“When I first met you, you were larger than life. So much confidence in yourself and your abilities. What’s sitting around and sulking going to prove? I know you’re not allowed to fly the planes but you can sure as hell come to my classes and prove that you’re just as good a pilot as you ever were.” Mary Jane said with such a passion that Peter almost believed her.

“You don’t get it. I may be a great pilot, but I’m a bad officer. I’m a hazard when I’m up there. I make risks that shouldn’t be made, it wouldn’t be a shame for the Navy if I left it’d be a fucking blessing.” Peter sniped back.

“That’s what you think?” Mary Jane replied completely disregarding what Peter just said.

“It’s what I and my four co-pilots know.” Peter said.

“There is very few people in this Navy that are willing to take the risks that you’re willing to take. You see an enemy plane and your first instinct isn’t oh shit, your first instinct is to go straight for them any way possible. Sure you make mistakes, why do you think you’re at Topgun? So you can be perfect in every way? No, you’re here because the academy saw great things in you that needed refining. Take this as a lesson and grow from it.” Mary Jane said, it made Peter feel a hell of a lot better.

“But I don’t learn from mistakes like this.” Peter said weakly.

“Then start. I expect to see you after your trial tomorrow in my class ready to learn.” Mary Jane obviously felt like her job was done because she stood up from the booth and started to walk off.

“Thanks, Red.” Peter said softly to her. She paused and turned around.

“No problem, Spiderman.” Mary Jane smiled as she turned back around and walked off. There goes the woman Peter doesn’t deserve.

* * *

The trial was pretty simple, it was an open and shut case. Hawkeye testified for Peter, saying there was no way he could have done something like that on purpose. They found it was exactly as Mary Jane said, the TF30 engine flamed out due to the high angle of attack, the plane then yaw to the right causing the plane to spin uncontrollably. Peter was cleared of all charges. That still didn’t stop him from missing class again after the trial. He honestly tried to do it, but he couldn’t face all those eyes on him knowing that he fucked up that majorly, and then of course the prospect of flying after class was just not something Peter was up to right now. He was stuck in the locker room staring at his open locker. He was hoping something would spark in him to give him the confidence to walk into that classroom as effortlessly as he used to. But nothing did, he was just there reading his deodorant, wondering where he went wrong.

“So you are alive, I’ve been hearing a lot of rumors, I’m glad to see most of them are wrong.” That cocky voice could only belong to one man, and of course he was here during whatever this moment Peter was having was.

“Just say it, Wilson.” Peter said weakly, he noticed that his hand that was holding his locker open was starting to shake. He knew what was coming, he wasn’t ready to hear it but he knew Deadpool would say just the right thing to plummet Peter’s self-esteem into nothingness.

“Say what?” Deadpool asked confused.

“You know, that you were right, that you told me so, that Hawkeye deserved a better co-pilot, that I’m a danger to everyone around me, that I’m an awful human being with no consideration for others and this is where I need to leave the Navy before I hurt more people than the enemy ever will.” Peter suggested for him, he hoped his voice wasn’t actually as shakey as it sounded to him. There was a silence from Deadpool, Peter was guessing he was preparing the best character assassination Peter had ever witnessed.

“Jesus, Parker, are you ok?” Deadpool finally said stunned.

“Not really. Where’s the ‘Back at again, Baby Boy? We better not start naming your co-pilots in case we get attached, may as well give them a red shirt.’? Or the disgust in your voice that I’m allowed back in the air after that appalling display of flying? Or reminding me of my previous fuck-ups, which one will you chose this time, there are oh so many to choose from. Oh or maybe you’ll get all up in my face and tell me you want to fuck me and confuse the shit out of me, I always did love that one.” Peter was absolutely certain that his voice was now shakier than he was and there might be tears forming in his eyes. Peter was not going to fucking cry in front of Deadpool that’s such horse shit.

“Parker, I’m so sorry.” Deadpool said after a pause. “I’m so so sorry.”

“Well that doesn’t mean much, does it? After that last apology ‘Sorry that you’re a shitty pilot’ yeah thanks for that, never forget that one.” Peter said sarcastically, he was confident enough to turn to face Deadpool. He did so as he slammed his locker door behind him. Deadpool looked surprisingly upset by Peter’s outburst.  

“I didn’t know it affected you this badly,” Deadpool admitted. Ohhh he did not just say that to Peter’s face.

“How could you not know? You don’t just harass someone every day for how many weeks has it been now, five? Yeah, five weeks straight and then think one apology is going to make everything better, and don’t even get me started on the mess that was the other night.”

“Hey, you flirted with me!” Deadpool started to defend himself, what a shitty defence.

“Excuse me? I’m sorry were you not hearing yourself for five weeks? Is your hearing aid not on? Could you not hear yourself hitting on me in an almost predatory fashion every day for five weeks?” Peter was getting mad now.

“Yeah to get you to fuck off.” Deadpool said as though there were no logical flaws in that plan at all.

“How could I fuck off when I have not spoken to you first once the entire time we’ve known each other? You don’t get to tell someone to fuck off if they have already in fact fucked off.” Peter was actually yelling at Deadpool, the moment has arrived. Thank god everyone was in class at the hanger far away from this screaming match… hang on. “In fact what are you even doing here? Why aren’t you in class?”

“Forgive me for being concerned about you, I’ll try and give that up before it’s too much of a problem for you.” Deadpool yelled back.

“Concern? This is what you call concern? All this was concern the whole time? Are you sure? I think you might want to get your dictionary out I think my definition is different to yours.” Peter attempted the good old fashioned take up as much of Deadpool’s personal space as possible in order to get him to fuck off.

“Why are you so irritating?” Deadpool murmured before taking Peter by the nape of the neck and pulling him in the remaining four millimetres in between their faces and kissing him. Peter was very taken aback by this. This was a move that he was not expecting, what was even more surprising was he was enjoying it, which was absolutely not ok. He was so mad right now, now was not the time for kissing. He pushed Deadpool away.

“You think just because you slept with me once you can do whatever you want?” Peter was just finding things to be angry about. Deadpool took a second to recover from being pushed away before laughing a deep bellowing laugh.

“We have never slept together, Parker. Unless that weird tackle constitutes sex for you.”

“Oh.” Peter said, mildly disappointed. He wasn’t sure how Deadpool had the power to turn Peter in one giant bag of mixed signals. And he figured that’s what caused him to say what he said next. “Do you want to change that?”

Deadpool had his mouth on Peter’s and his hand down Peter’s pants before he even had a chance to finish that question.

“How long before they’re let out?” Peter asked in between kisses.

“Who gives a shit?” Deadpool replied as his hand made its way around Peter’s dick. And with that, Peter didn’t find himself caring much either.  


	7. Spreadin' Out Her Wings Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their arguing ended how Hawkeye always dreamt it would
> 
> Or the ultimate slap slap kiss couple strikes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comes back from the dead to post an embarrassingly short chapter. I finally have free time wooo, am I spending it wisely? Who knows.
> 
> Also I skipped a line in Danger Zone but I realised if I didn't use it now when else would I?

Peter was sticky and sweaty and just all round gross at the moment. Despite this, Deadpool was looking at him as though he was the next Mark Harmon. This was a lot to take in, they had moved to the showers after their arguing ended how Hawkeye always dreamt it would. Peter wasn’t sure what to make of this development, he like it until he thought too hard about it and this huge wave of anxiety and confusion hit him. But he wasn’t going to think about it. He could ignore all the implications of what he had just done, or who he has done, and just take it one step at a time.

Or he could let Deadpool get out of the shower and interrupt his thoughts by kissing him harshly. Which is what he did. As Deadpool pulled away Peter frowned at him.

“What was that for?”

“You looked like you were thinking, and that’s pretty dangerous thing for you to do. So I thought I’d rescue you.” Deadpool shrugged with a smirk. He wrapped his towel around himself much to Peter’s displeasure.

“It’s just, this is a bad idea, isn’t it?” Peter tried to explain his thoughts.

“Probably.” Deadpool didn’t look as concerned about this as Peter was.

“I mean, we’re both men, we’re both officers, surely this is against some kind of regulation.”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell.” Deadpool said as though that answered all of Peter’s questions. It really didn’t.

“That’s not a good enough answer.”

“Isn’t it?” Deadpool looked confused.

“Well no it’s not why would it be?” Peter said as though it was obvious, apparently it wasn’t

“I don’t know, all you’ve told me is that is against regulation without any facts to back it up.”

“Well I-“

“What’s gotten into you, Parker?” Deadpool asked, and it was odd because he said it as though he genuinely wanted to know. What was even odder was that Peter honestly wanted him to know too.

“I don’t think I should be here anymore.” Peter admitted quietly. “I was going to go to class today, I promised Red I would try. But I was standing at my locker about to change into my flight gear and all I could think of was Hawkeye and Daredevil and I couldn’t do it. And then the thought of getting in a plane scares the shit out of me. I shouldn’t be in the navy I’m not helping anyone by being here.”

“That is one hell of a confidence problem you have there.”  Deadpool remarked after Peter had finished, Peter gave him a withering look.

“Geez I wonder why.” Peter replied dryly. Deadpool sighed and put his hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Ok look I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass-”

“Wow what a mental image.” Peter interrupted.

“But my old CO use to tell me that a good pilot would stop and evaluate what’s happened so he can apply what he’s learned. And that’s always worked for me. When you’re up there it’s about you and your team pushing it to the limit, whatever it takes to save the day.”

“How would that even work anyway? Do you just take some sunshine and ram it right up there?” Peter said, it was a bothersome expression and Peter didn’t like or understand it.

“Parker!” Deadpool looked very disappointed in Peter, which wasn’t anything new.

“Sorry, continue.” Peter said sheepishly as he shifted his weight from leg to the other. Deadpool just sighed.

“Ok, Baby Boy, try and stay with me. You can either quit or you can harden up learn from your mistakes and become a pilot. Maybe even graduate, who knows.” Deadpool said, he then looked expectantly at Peter.

“What do you mean ‘become’ a pilot?” Peter frowned.

“I don’t know, I’m just saying words at this point to stop you from leaving.” Deadpool said honestly. Peter didn’t listen.

“Do you _still_ not think I’m a good enough pilot?” Peter asked, he was getting offended now.

“Look we don’t have to get into this,” Deadpool said, it wasn’t an explicit confirmation but it was as good as.

“I can’t believe you, what was all that supportive bullshit just now about then?” Peter snapped. Deadpool looked very confused at the moment, fucking good, about damn time.

“I said learn from your mistakes, did you hear a different speech?” Deadpool asked, he was starting to get annoyed now. Good ol’ Peter Shitstirrer Parker was back at it again, apparently.

“You really think that after all that, that I’m a shit pilot.”

“When did I say that? And after what? Sex? You think we’d fuck and suddenly you’re the greatest thing to walk into this academy?” Deadpool was so confused right now, not that Peter cared, his pride was at stake here.

“Of course not, I mean after you acting like you had something to prove up there and forcing me into a position where I had to make a reckless move. And yet I’m still the piece of shit pilot here.” Peter said, he thought he was justified in saying that, before the accident Deadpool was being way too aggressive. Peter could have easily gotten the shot, Hawkeye didn’t have to be in hospital right now.

“I forced you? It was my bogey! There was another one on our six and your fucking ego steamrolled over the top of me! Don’t you try and pin this on me, Parker. Fucking own up to your mistakes.” Deadpool didn’t take well to having his flying insulted.

“You think an engine failing was my mistake?” Peter said incredulously.

“No, but it’s fucking obvious you do.” Deadpool pointed out. “Jesus Christ, Parker, it must be fucking tiring being you.” Deadpool murmured before practically resting his forehead against Peter’s, not that it was hard to do, in all that arguing they resumed their natural stance of being 9 millimetres apart from each other.

“It’s exhausting.” Peter said honestly.

“I don’t think you’re a shit pilot. In fact you were right on that first day, you do have what it takes to get your name on that board. You just forget to think of the other people in and around the plane. But that’s why you’re here, to learn to remember. And if you just throw in the towel now, after everything. That’s not the tenacious, stubborn, draining man I just fucked, and would happily do again by the way, that’s just not Peter Parker.” Deadpool admitted, Peter had never been more inspired in his life, despite that he still had his doubts.

“Do you really think I can do it?”

“Beat me onto the board? No way, look at me I’m practically perfect.” Deadpool grinned.

“Well obviously.” Peter agreed dryly. He then had a thought. “You know they’re all up in the air by now, surely there’s no point in going to class.” Peter let his fingers trail up Deadpool’s arm.

“What are you suggesting?”

“I’m just thinking that maybe we start this whole motivation thing tomorrow and today, we go for round two in my cabin instead.” Peter bit his lip. Deadpool looked a mix between disbelief and astonishment.

“You are exhausting, Parker you know that.” Deadpool admonished, despite this, he grabbed Peter by the hand and started to drag him out of the showers in just a towel.

“Don’t you think you might need to put on your uniform?” Peter said not really meaning it, in his free hand Deadpool managed to scoop his uniform up from the bench it was on next to the door.

“It’s like you said, they’re all in the air by now.” Deadpool said devilishly. Peter did not know how he got in this situation if he was being totally honest, but did he mind? Not in the slightest.


	8. She Got You Jumpin' Off The Deck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my God…they found me, I don't know how, but they found me. RUN FOR IT, MARTY!”
> 
> Or they finally graduate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to finish it in this chapter, but alas plot happened. One more left tho. Woo.

Peter would describe his efforts in the two weeks before graduation as sporadic at best. He would go to classes and on the very odd occasion he’d end up in a plane, usually Deadpool or Red dragged him by the ear into the cockpit. He usually took a support role while he was up in the air, actually that’s a lie he usually ends up shot while he’s up in the air. And he’s smarter than that, he knows he could do better. His doubts just get the better of him. What’s worse is seeing Deadpool afterwards, who has been showing a remarkable amount of restraint lately. He hasn’t said one word about Peter’s flying, in fact he hasn’t said a lot about anything, not that he has to, Peter knows exactly what he’s thinking.

So you can’t blame Peter for taking the coward’s way out of hiding in Hawkeye’s hospital room most days. Not that Hawkeye approves, every time Peter walks through the door Hawkeye tells him that he should be in class right now. But instead of responding Peter pulls out a pack of cards and deals Hawkeye in.

He was doing that today, he and Hawkeye were in the middle of a very intense round of Texas Hold ‘Em when Deadpool arrived. And oh boy he looked pissed, Peter was not usually one to duck and hide but he genuinely considered using Hawkeye as a human shield. Hawkeye, on the other hand, didn’t seem to grasp just how terrifying Deadpool was at the moment and grabbed Peter by the arm.

“Oh my God…they found me, I don't know how, but they found me. RUN FOR IT, MARTY!” Hawkeye yelled jokingly.

“It’s nice to see you’ve changed your wallowing hole, Parker.” Deadpool said, the tone of his voice suggested he didn’t find it nice at all.

“You know me, love a change of scenery.” Peter said timidly.

“Oh is that why you’ve been skipping classes? Was the hanger a little too same same for you?” Deadpool asked. Peter wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he just looked at the ground. “Graduation is tomorrow, Parker, I’d just thought I mention it on the off chance you do actually care.”

“Of course I care.” Peter bravely argued back, Deadpool didn’t buy it for a second.

“Course you do,” Deadpool said icily. That hurt. “I’m top of the class actually, so tomorrow would also be a pretty big day for me, you know with the whole board and trophy thing. It’s a bit of a cheap victory, considering my main competition turned out to be chickenshit.” He said this looking directly at Peter, who isn’t gonna lie he did flinch from the intensity of it.

“Well, congratulations.” Peter said after a pause. That was clearly the wrong thing to say as Deadpool shook his head at him.

“Don’t know why I expected different.” Deadpool muttered to himself as he turned to leave. Peter had to say something, he had nowhere to go but up, there’s no way he could mess this up further.

“Do you want me to go?” Peter asked. The look Deadpool gave him when he turned back around told Peter that yes he could indeed mess this up further.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I don’t know, Parker. Do _you_ want to go to your own graduation? I mean, it’s only the best fucking flight school in the country that you’re graduating from, if you could even call what you did graduating. Fucking hell, ‘do I want you to go?’ What the fuck do you think?” Deadpool spat out. Oh god. Retreat, retreat. Peter went back to avoiding Deadpool’s gaze, it was a lot safer that way. “What? Nothing? Fight back for fuck’s sake, Parker. Fuck me, you don’t care at all anymore do you?”

Peter stayed silent. Deadpool sighed deeply.

“Nice to see you, Clint, good to know you didn’t fuck up your ugly mug any further.” Deadpool said before he left the room, for real this time.

“Fuck me, son. If you don’t go after him right now, I will hit you with my goddamn IV drip.” Hawkeye scolded Peter. Peter shrugged.

“What am I supposed to say to him? There isn’t anything I could possibly say that would help the situation.” Peter said simply. Hawkeye thought it over for a moment.

“I mean, it would help if you actually told me what the situation once. You’ve been nothing but empty jokes and card games for the past three weeks.” Hawkeye pointed out. Peter was dreading this, he was not going to get any sort of sympathy here.

“So, we um, well we ‘made up’ so to speak and then he gave me this big motivational speech and for a moment I thought yeah he’s right I could absolutely get straight back into it. And then the next day I got back up in the air, with a co-pilot that clearly thought I was going to kill him next. And I freaked out because all I could think of was Deadpool telling me I need to start thinking of the people I’m flying with and I kept questioning my instincts. And then I ended up shot. And that kept happening until I just gave up.” Peter admitted.

“Hold on what do mean by ‘made up’?” Hawkeye looked a bit taken aback by Peter’s awkward phrasing.

“We fucked, ok? We fucked quite a lot. Fucking hell, that better not have been the part you focused on.” Peter said, knowing full well that was the bit Hawkeye focused on.

“Well that explains a lot.” Hawkeye remarked. “Also I can’t believe that happened two weeks ago and I was told nothing. Me, your biggest supporter.”

“Yeah well don’t expect it to keep happening. I blew it big time.” Peter said dejectedly.

“Well yes, yes you did.” Hawkeye said frankly.

“Thanks.”

“I’m going to give you some of my old man wisdom, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. But do you remember what you said to me when we first met? You told me that you make risky moves but so what? You’re a goddamn good pilot and you’d get us through it. And you know what? I believed you, I still do in fact. And really the only times, at least the times I saw, that you put me at a real risk was when you focused on things other than your instincts, and I know he means well. But you have to not listen to Wade, like not to a single thing, I’m not kidding. In fact don’t listen to anyone, listen to you, and your commanding officer obviously.” Hawkeye said getting a little sidetracked.

“So you’re telling me, fuck ‘em?” Peter asked kind of confused, every single person he talked to told him the exact opposite. But then their advice didn’t exactly work now, did it?

“It works for you.” Hawkeye shrugged. “Also you’re coming to graduation, if even I’m going you need to make an appearance.”

“You’re going?”

“Free food, dude. Now hurry up and deal the next round, I have a killer hand.” Hawkeye as he impatiently smacked the table. Peter felt oddly comforted, he wasn’t sure why he didn’t talk to Hawkeye about this earlier. Oh yeah, his bull-headed stubbornness to deal with his own issues, that might have had something to do with it. But he had told him now that was the main thing, and he felt that same confidence he had felt when Deadpool gave him that rousing speech. But this seemed more justified, he felt like he had something to back this confidence up. He could do this.

* * *

 

It felt strange to put his dress uniform on, he hadn’t worn it since the night he met Red. My how things change, to think he ended up choosing the Human Fly over her, not that he was upset by this choice. He was still trying not to think too hard about it, the main thing he had to think about was getting his career back, if he did that Deadpool would come around eventually. Let’s not think about what the hell he’d do after Deadpool came around, that’s a whole can of worms that doesn’t need to be opened.

He got to the graduation late, because of course he did. Hawkeye only told him where it was, no mention of a time. He got there just in time to see Deadpool leave the podium with his trophy. All eyes were on him when he awkwardly sat at the back of audience, all eyes except for Deadpool apparently, he looked genuinely shocked when Peter went up to congratulate him when the ceremony was over.

“What the hell are you doing here, Baby Boy?” Deadpool asked loudly. Peter had to stop himself from walking away, never to be heard from again. Honestly, being called baby boy in front of not only his commanding officers, but a whole room of Flash Thompsons was not Peter’s idea of a good time.

“I heard there was free food,” Peter shrugged. Deadpool looked at him incredulously, Peter now guessed that was the wrong thing to say. Deadpool was about to say something when something rolled into the back of Peter’s ankle. “Jesus Christ!”

“Look what I have!” Hawkeye said proudly. He was sitting in a wheelchair that someone foolishly decided Hawkeye should be able to drive himself. He also had a giant tray of various appetisers. Damn it, there wasn’t going to be any left by the time Peter made his way over there.

“Terrible fucking driving skills.” Peter snapped, Deadpool snickered at that, whose side is he on anyway?

“Officer Barton!” A woman yelled from the other side of the courtyard.

“That’s Cindy, she’s my aide.” Hawkeye said, he sounded like he was boasting, which was absurd. Why would you boast about being so injured you need a female nurse to follow you around, particularly to two guys that you know are sleeping together?

“Fuck knows you need all the help you can get.” Deadpool interjected.

“So what’s it like to have a plaque?” Hawkeye asked, ignoring that comment.

“Fantastic, they spelt my name right and everything.” Deadpool said.

 “What more could you ask for?” Hawkeye said cheerily. Peter was starting to theorise that Hawkeye might have gone a tad stir crazy in that hospital room. He was about to ask if Hawkeye was ok, but he was interrupted by someone coughing into a microphone.  

“Gentlemen, I hate to burst your bubble but we have a crisis situation, some of you will be shipped out immediately.” The Captain said from the podium. Coulson started to yell names despite the microphone standing next to him. 

“Deadpool, Agent.” Deadpool looked at Peter before walking to the podium, it was a look Peter couldn’t quite figure out but Peter would almost say it was a sad longing look. As though Deadpool thought he wasn’t going to see Peter again. Which he may not but that’s not something to think about right now.

“Speed, Prodigy.” Peter started to zone out a little, he glanced over at the food table. Those mini quiches looked nice. “Spiderman.”

“Holy shit!” Hawkeye yelled. Peter smacked him on the shoulder before he walked over to the podium and grabbed his mission briefing from the Captain.

“You’ll get your RIO once you get to the ship, and if you don’t, I’ll fly with you,” Captain said with such an unwarranted belief in Peter, he didn’t deserve this.

“Sir.” Peter nodded and walked away. Holy shit. This isn’t happening. He walked back to Hawkeye, who somehow managed to get another plateful of the mini quiches in the time it took Peter to walk to the podium and back.

“You’ll do great, kid.” Hawkeye said mouthful of quiche, despite that he looked like he genuinely meant it.

“I’ll come back when I can.” Peter said, the gravity of the situation only just hitting him, he couldn’t believe he was about to head out to the Indian Ocean for god knows how long. And Hawkeye, instead of going with him, was stuck in some shitty military hospital in Nevada. Hawkeye deserved better.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve been in worse. You go kick ass out there.” Hawkeye thwacked him on the back with his quiche covered hand before laughing. Peter takes it all back, he deserves everything that’s coming to him. And judging by the angry look on Cindy’s face coming towards him, what he deserves was going to happen sooner rather than later.

* * *

 

Twenty-four hours later and he was on a ship in the Indian Ocean. There were surprisingly few faces he recognised. He doesn’t know how he managed it but Bugle was the one giving the briefing up front. That was a shock, he guessed he wasn’t the only one who had doors opened for him. Less thrilling news was Flash had somehow been recruited for this. Goddamn it. And the least thrilling news of all was Deadpool was sitting far away from Peter not even giving him a glance. Peter would say he’s been better.

“The SS Layton has become disabled and has wandered into foreign territory. A rescue mission will begin within the hour, your mission is to give it air support, God rest you. There are MiGs in the area, tensions are high, if you witness a hostile act, return fire. They carry the Exocet Anti-Ship missile, they can and will shoot you from a hundred miles away. Gentlemen this is the real thing, all the training in the world won’t save you now. You are apparently America’s best, it’s time to act like it. Deadpool, Agent. Sector Two. Spiderman, Flash. You back them up on Ready Five.” Oh Peter had missed these rants. Peter was not thrilled with Flash being his RIO but that can be worked around. He guessed. Deadpool immediately walked up to Bugle after he had dismissed them.

“Sir, regarding Spiderman, are you sure-“ Deadpool started to ask before being cut off by a large cloud of smoke.

“You questioning me Wilson? Get outta here!” Bugle dismissed him with a wave of his hand. Well Peter wasn’t going to lie, that hurt. It hurt almost as much as the punch in the arm he got from Flash.

“The fuck was that for?” Peter snapped at him.

“Surviving.” Flash said as he walked out of the briefing room. Jesus Christ, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

Peter was sitting in the plane standing by and waiting for orders. He was doing his best not to freak the hell out. He should absolutely not be flying this plane and to be quite honest he was alarmed not a single one of his commanding officers thought so. However, he was here now, all he has to survive this and he can tell his commanding officer that he quits. He had come to this conclusion for a while now, there was no way a Naval officer in one of the best planes money can buy should be as shaky and nervous as Peter right now. He’s not the man for the job. He’s not sure what he’s going to do instead, maybe run a gift shop down the road. Myer’s Mart in Miramar. Terrible name, who’s Myer?

Ok, Peter has lost total control of his train of thought, back to survival, back to making Deadpool and Hawkeye somewhat proud. Peter took a deep breath.

“You are a goddamn good pilot and you are going to get us through this.” Peter muttered under his breath.

“Do you fucking talk to yourself now, faggot?” Flash scoffed at him.

“Excuse me?” Peter asked, he had had about enough of this.

“I said you fucking talking to yourself now, faggot? I guess that’s what happens when you kill anyone that would fucking listen.” Flash retorted. Oh that is it.

“Flash, have I ever told you that I love the colour of your eyes?” Peter murmured. Instant silence. “That shimmering blue, you could get lost in eyes like those, why dare I say, I’ve gotten lost in them a few times myself.”

“What?” Flash responded after taking a moment to process what Peter had said.    

“I’m saying Eugene, why don’t we let the devil take hindmost and I’ll jump your bones right here right now, since you so obviously want it.” Peter said in his most seductive voice.

“What the fuck has gotten into you?”

“I mean it’s obvious isn’t it? How would you know about my thong unless you were actively looking for it? And all the pet names, god, Eugene you know how to get me going.” Peter kept pushing forward. It was about time all that time putting up with Deadpool came in handy.

“If you don’t fucking shut up-“

“Oh so this isn’t what you wanted? Ok so how about you shut the fuck up so I can pilot this goddamn plane and save both our fucking asses whether you want to be here or not?”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Flash mumbled but he shut up after that. Point well and truly made apparently.

 Speed went down, Deadpool and Agent have five bogeys on their tail. Peter has been launched on alert five. Which is not good, to say the least. Alert fighters weren’t going to get to Deadpool in time, it’s all up to Peter. Fuck.

“I’ll be there in thirty seconds.” Peter said over radio.

“I’m engaged with five, I’m in some deep shit.” Deadpool said and he sounded… panicked? He never sounds panicked.

“We got a MiG overhead twelve o’clock, watch your back, watch your back.” Agent warned. Oh god they’re doomed. “Break right!”

“Holy shit that was close! Get your ass down here now, Parker!” Deadpool yelled. The gravity of the situation hit Peter like a tonne of bricks, he needed to man up and do something or Deadpool’s dead. He took a deep breath in as he tightened the controls and went barrelling towards Deadpool’s location. There they were, with five MiG’s on their tail, and Peter the only one to help.

“Jesus Christ.” Peter muttered to himself.

“Parker! How bout some help?” Deadpool said into the void. “Parker? Engage, goddamn it!”

“Spiderman, we got a MiG on our tail.  MiG one has bugged out.” Flash told Peter. Oh god, oh god oh god. He tried to turn the jet away only to see the MiG come flying straight towards them

“Oh fuck!” Peter yelled as he barrel rolled out of the way. Although this was flying like a regular barrel roll, he was struggling to get control back of the jet.

“We flew right through his jetwash.” Flash said angrily. “Get control! Get control!”

As they were spinning out of control, Peter couldn’t help but be reminded of when he nearly killed Hawkeye… and Daredevil. And, you know what let’s be honest here, anyone who’s ever flown in a hundred mile radius of Peter. This was too much, this was too fucking much, he couldn’t do this. He was only going to kill them anyway, why not just let the MiG’s kill him now?

Fortunately, while Peter was having this meltdown his instincts went on auto pilot and managed to get control back of the jet.

“Nice recovery, Spiderman. Now let’s get in there.” Flash said. This is too much, this is too much, he needs to get the fuck out of here.

“No good, it’s no good.” Peter shook his head as he turned the plane back towards base.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Flash yelled at him.

“Spiderman’s disengaging!” Agent yelled over radio.

“Don’t know why I expected different.” Deadpool said in that bitterly disappointed voice that honestly grates Peter’s ears every time he hears it.

“What the fuck are you doing? They’re going to die if you don’t get back in there. Turn this fucking jet back around.” Flash snapped at him. Peter wasn’t listening, he was sitting there trying to remember how to breathe again. Jesus fuck. He couldn’t even start to think of anything that might calm him down. When was he even calm last? Actually he could think of that, it was when he was drunkenly telling Deadpool that he liked him. He could only remember bits and pieces but he remembers saying to him something stupid, but the look on Deadpool’s face. On Wade’s face. He looked so awestruck, that Peter was actually hitting on him. It was a lot to take in, he’d give anything to see that Wade again.

And that snapped him out of his daze so quickly he nearly got whiplash, the fuck was he doing? Was he really going to let Deadpool die? Because that’s what he was doing right now. He was a fucking idiot if he was going to let this happen. And Deadpool’s disappointed voice, fuck that. He’s not going to fucking listen to that, he’s not going to listen to any of them, he’s going to fly in and save the fucking day. Because he’s a goddamn good pilot.

He turned the jet around back towards Deadpool. And boy he couldn’t have picked a better time to come to his senses, there was a MiG directly on Deadpool’s tail.

“I can’t get him off me!” Deadpool said shakily. Peter flew behind them both.

“Wilson, I’ve got your MiG dead ahead.” Peter said as he started to aim. “I’ve got tone! I’ve got tone! Firing.” He said as he pulled the trigger. Direct hit.

“Welcome back, Parker!” Deadpool said cheerily.

“Two MiGs dead ahead.” Flash reported.

“I see them, I’ll take them down left side.” Peter responded. Oh this felt good, this felt just like the good old days, when he was wide eyed and innocent.

“Deadpool’s just below us with a MiG on his tail.” Flash said in a ‘we should definitely act on this’ tone.

“He’s firing! Break right!” Peter heard Agent say over the radio. “He overshot!”

“Parker!” Deadpool yelled.

“I’m on it.” Peter said as he flew the jet towards them. “I’ve got two MiG’s dead ahead.”

“I’ve got them Parker, one MiG passing between us.” Deadpool responded cooly. That confidence didn’t last long as he was almost immediately fired at, Peter saw him roll right. “Check your north, Parker!”

“Banking left!” Peter countered. He curved left around back towards Deadpool when he saw the MiG was directly in Deadpool’s line of fire. This was oddly reminiscent of the scenario before the crash. Although this time, this time he wasn’t going to fuck it up. “There he is, Wilson, get him!”

“Ok, I’m moving in.”

“Right behind you,” Peter said.

“We’ve got a MiG on our tail, we’ve got to get outta here.” Flash yelled.

“Can’t do that.” Peter retorted

“Have you completely lost your fucking mind, Parker? He’s going to get behind us.” Flash snapped at him.

“Not leaving my wingman.” Peter said firmly. Peter Parker learns from his mistakes, at least, starting now he does.

“I’m on his tail, I’m going for the shot.” Deadpool said.

“Rodger that.” Peter replied.

“Firing!” Deadpool said as his missile directly hit the bogey. “Bingo!”

“Deadpool! MiG to your right!” Peter snapped at him.

“He’s firing guns on us!” Agent said.

“I’m hit!” Deadpool yelled. Their jet started to spiral down in a wave of smoke. Oh hell no.

“It’s hit our right engine, I’m shutting it down.” Agent said as Deadpool managed to regain control of the jet.

“Deadpool, that bogey’s still behind you. I’m moving in for the shot.” Peter said as he dove down.

“Go get ‘em Parker.” Deadpool said encouragingly. Not that it mattered, he couldn’t get a clear shot on this guy.

“I’m not getting a tone.” Peter said.

“You’ve got to hit him, Parker. I can’t get him off my tail.”

“We’ve been hit!” Agent yelled.

“Parker!”

“We’re ok, we’re not going to take much more!” Agent said, if he was trying to diffuse the situation he wasn’t helping.

“Wilson, on the count of three break hard right.” Peter said, he had a plan, for once in his life he had a plan. And what was surprising was Deadpool went along with it no questions asked.

“Three…. Two… one” Deadpool counted, the second he hit one he broke a hard right leaving Peter the perfect shot. Strike three, motherfucker. Ok no that sounded far cooler in Peter’s head he’ll stop with that now. “Shit, Parker you’ve left yourself open you’ve got a MiG on your tail.”

“Not today.”

“What are you doing? We’re slowing down.” Flash yelled at Peter.

“I’m bringing him in closer.” Peter said.

“You’re what?” Flash yelled.

“I’ll hit the brakes he’ll fly right by us.” Peter explained.

“The hell are you talking about?” Flash snapped.  

“This is it!” Peter warned as he hit the brakes. The jet lurched violently upright coincidentally pointing them directly in the perfect shot of the bogey. “Firing!” It was possibly the most beautiful hit of his career. You bet your ass he was going to tell this one to Hawkeye with a few extra creative one-liners he’ll think up later.

“Alright then who’s up for round five?” Peter said cockily.

“They’re bugging out!” Flash said “The MiGs are retreating!”

* * *

 

Holy shit, he did it. He had actually saved the day. This was surreal as it was exhilarating. Honestly, it felt more like a dream than anything else. And it still felt like a dream when he landed back at base. He had barely gotten out of the plan when he got punched in the arm.

“The hell was that for?” Peter snapped at Flash, because of course it was Flash.

“Surviving.” Flash said with… wait was that a smile? This is weird. This is so fucking weird. What was even weirder was the pilots that wouldn’t give him the time of day before were coming up to him in hordes, congratulating him and shaking his hand. Peter had just managed to grapple himself out of a bear hug when he saw Deadpool, standing next to the end of the jet. He looked, he looked proud. It wasn’t totally obvious or anything, but Peter could tell. And honestly, that smug grin with his arms crossed leaning against a million dollar jet he should absolutely not be leaning on, that’s what made this whole thing worth it. Sure regaining his manhood and dignity was nice, but this, this was a different league. Peter wasn’t great with feelings that weren’t anger or being a fucking idiot, he’s a bit overwhelmed if he’s being totally honest.

Peter took a second to breathe before making his way over to Deadpool. It was the least he could do.

“So.” Peter said, he was so nervous right now, what if he hated Peter’s flying? What if he thought he took too many risks? Because if we’re being honest, Peter totally did, most of what he did up there was absolutely against regulation.

“So.” Deadpool repeated, Peter wondered if he knew the magnitude of that ‘So’

“So how’d the chickenshit do?” Peter asked. Deadpool took a moment to think about it, the sadistic bastard.

“I don’t know who you’re referring to, all I saw up there was Peter Goddamn Parker.” Deadpool finally said. Peter broke out into a grin.

“Oh come on! I didn’t think I did that badly.” Peter retorted. Wade grabbed him by the arm.

“No, that. That. That was amazing, Parker. I can’t even begin to explain how fucking proud I am right now. I don’t have the words to explain how proud I am of you.” Wade said.

This is going to say terrible things about what Peter thinks of Deadpool, but he this is the first time he actually believes Wade cares about him. Three sentences without antagonising him? This is practically a breakthrough.  

“Oh my, are you speechless? Did I really make the great Wade Wilson speechless?” Peter asked.

“You make me a lot of things, Peter Parker.” Wade was acting very strangely, it was a little unnerving.   

“Annoyed mostly.” Peter suggested. Wade shook his head.

“I need you to shut up so badly right now,”

“Are you ok?” Peter asked jokingly.

“I love you.” Wade confessed. Peter nearly choked on his own tongue. “I’m not really any good and this stuff, but you… I just, I nearly died today. And…” Wade seemed to be searching Peter’s face for inspiration, apparently he wasn’t getting any because he continued to stutter out the start of sentences. Peter couldn’t decide if it was cute or pathetic.

“I’m just going to kiss you now, we can redo this later.” Peter murmured as he leant in and kissed Wade. And he honestly wishes he could have experienced this long enough to describe it. Unfortunately, before it got good they were interrupted.

“DEADPOOL! SPIDERMAN! MY OFFICE! NOW!” Bugle barked from the other side of the runway. And that’s how you knew you were in deep deep shit, when not even the acoustics of the Indian Ocean can stop the XO.

Fuck.  


End file.
